I knew the 4th of July would be a hard one to get through but I didn't know it would feel like this. The 4th of July was my husbands favorite holiday. He was like a little kid, setting off his fireworks. Not to mention how he enjoyed BBQing all the food for everyone. I decided that we would have one more big 4th of July in honer of him (he passed away February 13th, 2015). We bought the night works that he always loved to light up, BBQed hamburgers and hot dogs, and invited all the friends and family I could think of. I wanted it to be something he would be proud of. Instead, barely anyone showed up. I was so disappointed. I still tried to enjoy the night with the ones who did show up and was able to keep myself together for most of it, but now I just miss him that much more. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this or past it. All I want is to have him back in my arms where he belongs. I miss him so much. It just wasn't supposed to be this way. We were exposed to grow old together. Mid 40's is not old. I am grateful for this site. It does help to read what others have to say that are going through the same things I am. It gives me something else to hold onto. Anyways...... I think I just needed to get that out. If there is anyone that would like to write me or something, pleade do. I think we all need the extra support and this site gives us the chance to do that.