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I knew the 4th of July would be a hard one to get through but I didn't know it would feel like this.  The 4th of July was my husbands favorite holiday.   He was like a little kid, setting off his fireworks.  Not to mention how he enjoyed BBQing all the food for everyone.  I decided that we would have one more big 4th of July in honer of him (he passed away February 13th, 2015).  We bought the night works that he always loved to light up, BBQed hamburgers and hot dogs, and invited all the friends and family I could think of.  I wanted it to be something he would be proud of.  Instead, barely anyone showed up.  I was so disappointed.  I still tried to enjoy the night with the ones who did show up and was able to keep myself together for most of it, but now I just miss him that much more.  I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this or past it.  All I want is to have him back in my arms where he belongs.  I miss him so much.  It just wasn't supposed to be this way.  We were exposed to grow old together.  Mid 40's is not old.  I am grateful for this site.  It does help to read what others have to say that are going through the same things I am.  It gives me something else to hold onto.   Anyways...... I think I just needed to get that out.  If there is anyone that would like to write me or something,  pleade do.  I think we all need the extra support and this site gives us the chance to do that.

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Comment by bis4betsy on July 12, 2015 at 6:25am

I feel your pain donutmom4x!  I have a hard time with the 4th for the exact same reasons.  My daughter also has such happy memories of her daddy wearing the flag shorts I made for him, making ice cream, sitting on the roof watching fireworks, etc. It's just not the same without him.  

I'm glad you made the effort to celebrate, that in itself is a big step forward.  Keep taking the tiny steps, vent when you need to, and be gentle with yourself.  ((hugs)) & prayers

Comment by LostinNC on July 10, 2015 at 8:49pm

I know exactly what you are going through. My husband died Nov 27, 2014. You expressed exactly the feelings I am having now. It is not getting better for me, seems to be getting worse. I just want him back. You are right, it wasn't supposed to be this way. We had plans. He was the one I wanted to grow old with. This site really helps me too. If you ever want to talk or chat, just send me a message. I am so very tired of being alone.

Comment by vintage56(barb) on July 10, 2015 at 4:14pm

(((hugs))). Sorry your loved ones disappointed you. I know the feeling, of wanting him back in your arms. You are among friends here.

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