I've been a mess the last several days leading up to today. By mess I mean very bad sleep (no sleep in a 48-hr. period at its worst; and last night I got 2-hrs. off meds. I just plain forgot to take them). I've been shaking sometimes uncontrollably as well as catching myself crying by surprise. How does one cry and not know it until gasping for air when you thought you were getting by for that hour? I'm still having complications from a simple gallbladder surgery 2-weeks prior to my wife Darlene's passing. I really was hoping I was over these "Raw Days"! I've been on Widville enough to know that these days can and will raise their ugly heads at a moments notice. Just wanted to believe - not me. Guess this is my payback for having a few good days.
This morning at 2:05 a.m. marked my 6-month anniversary. Sunday received word my uncle had passed. This news came as no surprise and the previous Wednesday I had paid a visit to him and my caregiver cousin.
Tomorrow is the funeral.
YEP, I SAID IT "THE F-WORD"!
This will be the 3rd. funeral in 6-months. When will it end!
I don't know how I'm going to get through this night! Let alone emerge for tomorrow.
I just hate myself and this jittery on edge feeling.
I've been most fortunate to have had 2 - Widville members helping talk me though this. To each of you special ladies
I owe a huge debt of gratitude. Someday I hope you will let me repay you. I wouldn't wish a setback like this on anyone, but should the day arrive on your doorstep please allow me in your world enough to help.
Well it's time to end this drama filled pity party and go live up to the promise I made my grief counselor and a few Widville members (Lt. and "Bully") if I ever went back down the tubes emotionally.
Tomorrow's a new day; I just have to find a path there.