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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I've been a mess the last several days leading up to today. By mess I mean very bad sleep (no sleep in a 48-hr. period at its worst; and last night I got 2-hrs. off meds. I just plain forgot to take them). I've been shaking sometimes uncontrollably as well as catching myself crying by surprise. How does one cry and not know it until gasping for air when you thought you were getting by for that hour? I'm still having complications from a simple gallbladder surgery 2-weeks prior to my wife Darlene's passing. I really was hoping I was over these "Raw Days"! I've been on Widville enough to know that these days can and will raise their ugly heads at a moments notice. Just wanted to believe - not me. Guess this is my payback for having a few good days.

This morning at 2:05 a.m. marked my 6-month anniversary. Sunday received word my uncle had passed. This news came as no surprise and the previous Wednesday I had paid a visit to him and my caregiver cousin.

Tomorrow is the funeral.


This will be the 3rd. funeral in 6-months. When will it end!
I don't know how I'm going to get through this night! Let alone emerge for tomorrow.

I just hate myself and this jittery on edge feeling.

I've been most fortunate to have had 2 - Widville members helping talk me though this. To each of you special ladies
I owe a huge debt of gratitude. Someday I hope you will let me repay you. I wouldn't wish a setback like this on anyone, but should the day arrive on your doorstep please allow me in your world enough to help.

Well it's time to end this drama filled pity party and go live up to the promise I made my grief counselor and a few Widville members (Lt. and "Bully") if I ever went back down the tubes emotionally.

Tomorrow's a new day; I just have to find a path there.

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Comment by ChefSheri on August 6, 2014 at 9:27am
You seem very strong for losing your wife 6 months ago. I think you owe yourself those feelings. I was told that I owe myself the right to scream, cry, feel desperate. I have no direction at all. I feel as if I am just running in circles. Good luck and best wishes. You will be fine. It seems that you are very strong.
Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) on August 2, 2014 at 9:38pm

I'm glad to hear you made it though that funeral Doug.  (((( Doug )))) I'll continue sending you good thoughts! 

Comment by Doug02122014 on August 2, 2014 at 9:01pm
Just wanted to let all you know that I made it. The funeral was gut wrenching. So so many reminders of what once was. Being a pallbearer for the 2nd. time in 4-months didn't help matters any. Yesterday my two daughter's and I left the house at 10:00 a.m. and returned at 8:30 p.m. I was so mentally drained I felt like I had been gone for a week. I honestly had to look at my phones calendar to see if today was a work day or not. On a good note I did get some decent sleep last night(Thursday). I so hope this is the last funeral for a long while. Just like to thank everyone for there caring and support. Doug
Comment by 623lg on August 2, 2014 at 7:22pm
I am so sorry to hear about your wife and your uncle. It's been 8 months since my DH was killed in an accident. He died exactly one year after my dad passed from brain cancer.

Coincidentally, I had gallbladder surgery almost 2 years ago. They said give it 6-9 months for your system to adjust. But 2 months later my dad passed away and my system was shot. It got better but after my spouse died, it went haywire. I saw a GI specialist, he ran tests...and voila! My issues are anxiety related. The reason I tell you all of this: he gave me a medication that works well. It's a powder you mix with water or juice, and it has been a godsend for me. It basically fills in for my missing gallbladder. The medication is Cholestyramine. It's dispensed in handy packs that now reside in my purse, car, desk, camper, you name it.

I hope this helps in some small way. If anything, please know we are all rooting for you. We all share the pain, and together we stand strong.
Comment by IndiaKai on August 1, 2014 at 5:35am

I'm sorry Doug.  I hope by the time I've written this you have started that new day and feeling a little better.  

Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) on July 31, 2014 at 2:54pm

(((( doug )))) 

Comment by Kerrie on July 30, 2014 at 11:31pm
Sorry you needed me, but happy I could help ease some of the pain.
Comment by Patience on July 30, 2014 at 7:43pm
((((((Hugs))))))) hope you feel a little better soon
Comment by Gary'swife on July 30, 2014 at 6:59pm

(((Doug))))   So sorry for your setback.  Glad your grief counselor and Widville members are helping.  You have a lot to bear.  AND, I don't think you gall bladder surgery should be poo-pood so lightly.

Comment by Lakelady on July 30, 2014 at 6:43pm
((((((Doug)))))) sending you strength. These days just are awful-we know we will survive them logically, but "raw days" were never about logic-they are about our hearts, aren't they? Know that we are thinking of you and hang in there! Hugs, Lakelady

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