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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

How can it be that I have not seen or spoke to you in 66 days my love? Everyday I awake with this dark, hollow, emptiness that does not go away. How did I make it through the last two months without you, your love, your touch, your support, your silliness, your kisses, and our happiness? How do I make through today without you?

People keep saying "one day at a time" but I say "one second at a time".

I feel that I am dead inside, but how can I be if I am feeling grief and pain? How long can I survive being alive only on the outside?

My spirit left when you left.

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Comment by lostwithouthim on August 20, 2016 at 10:06pm

Kathy l, Thank you for your words as well. I agree about not making yourself be anything right now! I have been forcing myself to get up and out of the house at least once a day. This started about three weeks after I lost my love. Although lately I feel that I am moving back to that horrible day, instead of forward and away from it. Grief is so complicated!

Comment by lostwithouthim on August 20, 2016 at 10:00pm

Lizbeth4, thank you for your post. I am grateful for your words. Thank Godess that we do have each other!

Comment by Kathy I on August 20, 2016 at 3:34pm
I can relate to time not making sense and how 66 days felt much longer, and all of your other feelings too. I can't make myself be anything right now. Came home from work at 530, went to bed and ate crackers and watched a show. No wisecracks about crackers in bed.
Comment by lizbeth4 on August 19, 2016 at 11:15pm

Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that my Husband died and sometimes it feels like it was much longer than 3 years and 5 months ago.   I just go with it!   I try to stay positive for my own well being.   I wake and the first thing I do is think of something that I am grateful for.   I feel like this helps me to stay grounded.   I am still trying to find out who I am without my Husband.   Actually, I think that finally at the 3rd year mark, I wanted to find me.   I just went through the motions up till then.   It is different for everyone.   I know that I had never felt that kind of pain and darkness before.  Besides being my Husband, he was my best friend also.   Sharing here does help a lot.   Thank goodness we have each other.

Comment by lostwithouthim on August 19, 2016 at 5:36pm

AlanRRT, Thank you for your words...your words and the words of others here have helped. I like to hear timelines, I know everyone is different but it gives me comfort to know that one things wont feel as dark as they do.

Comment by AlanRRT on August 19, 2016 at 9:37am

It has been over 4 years for me, but much of what you wrote rings true to me.  I can remember waking up and the first thought in my mind was "It's now day xx without her."  The day I lost count was a big milestone for me.

For me, the pain got worse every day for probably three months, it took that long before the healing could even begin.  Like you, I had to learn who I was, and figure out life as Alan rather than as Alan and Elaine.  The good friends you make on Widowed Village will be your best support.  If there is any way you can make it to Camp Widow, do it.  Life will get better.

Comment by lostwithouthim on August 16, 2016 at 10:48pm

Callie2, thank you for your post as well. I must admit that it is hard to let the tears flow at times, but I do let them flow. I go through stages of crying all the time to feeling numb and not crying nearly as much as usual. Sharing my feelings and reading the posts of others does help a great deal. Having the support of people like you, people on this website has been great. I like to know that I am not alone and that I can make it through this horrid journey. This is surely the worst journey of my life. hugs back.

Comment by lostwithouthim on August 16, 2016 at 10:42pm

lizbeth4, thank you for your post. 3 years 5 months, does it feel longer than that? Sometimes it feels like I haven't seen my partner in so long, longer than 66 days. I have heard and know from past loss that grief and pain do lessen with time, although I have never lost my partner; my future. I feel that I cannot be the person that I was when my partner was alive, I feel that I must honor him by being the best version of myself. In saying that, I have no motivation to do much but try to make it through the day! This loss, I feel, will too take me on a new path. I will try to remember to not expect a lot out of myself, no guarantees though as it easier said than done.

Comment by Callie2 on August 16, 2016 at 3:57pm
Very sorry for your recent loss. Yes, one second at a time to start. Soon to be a minute, an hour, a day. That's about all we're able to do for a while. The only thing that really helps is time but for now let the tears flow as they come. Healing is a slow process. I hope sharing your feelings will help you cope better as everyone here is grieving or has grieved the loss of a spouse. Peace will come. Hugs to you.
Comment by lizbeth4 on August 16, 2016 at 2:34pm

Dear lostwithouthim,   Your grief and pain are so fresh right now!   I am at 3 years 5 months without my Husband.   I remember at 66 days, I was still numb and didn't know how I was going to go on without him.   I felt dead inside!  A part of me did die with him.   I know you have heard this but the grief and pain does lessen with time.   Not that it isn't still hard but you learn to go on with your life.  I made a promise to my Husband before he died that I would live my life to the fullest and find joy.   I miss him everyday but I have started a new life path for myself which includes a new home, town, and friends.   Don't expect a lot out of yourself right now.   Just take one day at a time.   

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