I put Jacob in his crib and said "Good Night Baby, Happy Birthday". And then it happened, grief punched me in the gut. I barely made it out of his room before I fell in a heap on the floor sobbing. He is 2 and he needs his daddy! The daddy in all the pictures, the daddy He Won't Remember (that's devastating).
As I lay in a heap on the floor I am back there 2 years ago in that hospital. We are as happy as two people could be. We had a tiny, beautiful, healthy baby boy. I can see his face, Bill is overjoyed!
And then, it's 1 year ago, we are back in that same hospital. We are as brave as two people could be. We had a horrifying diagnosis. I can see his face, Bill is determined- to fight this no matter what. And I tell him at least a hundred times, "We Need You! I Can't Do This Without You!
I hate, that in that hospital a few weeks later, I whisper in his ear, "It's OK Honey, We'll Be Fine...."