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A new partner or not - the constant stress caused by being in love with our beloved and yet so alone

My Roses  27th  October

In all this chaos of longing for my Wes, I have said  I  am not sure I can go on being this stressed and  foggy brained.  Being this  different person and spending  years like this.  So  about 10 days ago  sat and thought about the Widows comments made on this site.  The tentative journey in meeting someone else. And should we do so.  But it is not a comfortable situation.  We still love our beloved .  We are bouncing back and forward in our grief from loss to aching for the loneliness to go.  To what might it be like with someone new.  Yet wanting our beloved back.  How can we fill the empty space in our heart and in our home.

 So decided to look at it very matter of factly:  What would I look for in a new companion?  This is all a mental exercise folks not from the heart.  But  I would make a list to try and sort out  the longing from the need to tackle this subject once and for all.  So what criteria would I have?

I realise it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY  to be like the former Love of Your Life Relationship

1.  I think  they would have to be a widower… No one else would have the compassion/understanding.

2.  Age would not really matter  could be younger than me.

3.   Usual sharing of  thoughts, values, interests.

4.   Spiritual aspect… would this companionship jeapardise my former 

      Love of Life  Relationship in eternity?  Have to ask God about that!  As we do have a Covenant

     Companionship with our soul mate.  Eternity with him is too precious to throw away.

 5.    Should really ask God to find this new companion so it would not  jeapardise  Item 4.

6.  Be able to show affection and love.

7.  Be able to love me even though I have been dragged through a hedge backwards!

8.  I must be able to look fondly upon him and think of him as a lovely  person  and a godly soul.

9.  Similar looks would play a part (not going to be rigid about this) but  could  withstand  a change of hair colour!

10.  Must have blue eyes I think.

11.  Feel we would need to be playful after all this serious bereavement stuff which is  

       taking the “stuffing” out of us.

12.  Not have step children who are going to oppose every possibility of  us

        being  together or happy.  Also for me to be able to love his children.

13  As a Christian -  marriage would have to take place… (it is written no

     sexuality  before marriage) – as God is definitely not impressed with this. This also presents some problems.

    At least  it is better than marrying again when the former husband is still alive.  God calls that adultery and a sin.

14.  So where does that leave me after all these practicalities?  Have I left anything out of this list?   Oh Yes ...

15.  Likes to travel and is looking for peace and an end to this intense suffering. 

 16.   It may not be a Love of Your Life… but at least  we would be attracted  to  each other and  I would feel

         comfortable in his arms. 

  17.   Care and honour  our previous  beloveds together.  ( Remember Anniversaries etc) 

  18.    Be able to make wise decisions of where we would live together .

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