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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I passed the 1 year mark 9 days ago.  My family needed me to be strong so I didn't allow myself to grieve. Things were going pretty well until this past spring, when I unexpectedly slid into depression and crying jags.  Almost four months passed and just as I started thinking I was getting back on track, I did an odd thing.  I'm not a drinker but 3 weeks ago I bought 3 bottles of bourbon.  After some experimentation I decided mixed drinks were my preferred way of drinking it.  I barely put in enough to taste it at first in a very small glass and over the next few days I gradually increased the amount and the size of the glass.  Two days before the anniversary of Bob's passing, I made a drink that was well over 1/3 liquor.  Took me almost a week for my brain and body not to feel the buzz anymore.

I didn't realize the connection between the 1 year mark and my sudden urge to try drinking until my daughter pointed out how close "the day" was and how depressed and isolated I've been in the weeks just prior to my buying the bourbon.  She was understandably and rightfully concerned, not just for the amount and frequency of my drinking, but about my reason for it as well.  I immediately put the liquor away and analyzed my motives.  Didn't take me long to realize I'd been drinking for the effect and not the taste.  I'll go back to it some time soon but my next drink will be for pleasure and contain a lot less alcohol.

I am thankful to my daughter for setting me straight and to this support group for allowing me to express myself through writing these posts and not being judgmental.  

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Comment by Dee1960 on August 16, 2019 at 7:11pm

Yup, hate to say, grief does make one reach for the bottle -- dull the pain. It's just normal. I did it/do it too. Take care and glad you have support.

Comment by BlankMind on July 21, 2019 at 1:05pm

Pegasus, I'm very sorry for your loss. I too drank for awhile to numb the pain. Sometimes we just can't stand the grief. I'm happy for you that your daughter was there to help you. Thank you for sharing.

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