English is not my first language. Sorry for the mistakes.
Today´s been 32 days since I´ve lost my sunflower. We still don´t know what was the cause of death since I´m dealing with a lot of red tape due to the fact he was not from here and came to this land only to marry me. I still remind the day I first saw him going out of the boarding gate, looking for me, full of hopes and dreams. I had never been happier in my life. Suddenly I had found the ONE I had been looking for...for my whole life. He let me know also He had never been in love before he met me.
It took me 33 years to find him, it took him 49 years to find me. Feeling totally numb and lost, missing his hugs and his voice, his friendly hug and smile, the shade of blue of his eyes that were always there and always knew what I meant without having to say a word. The golden hair and the big hands always holding mine, giving me the comfort that I was loved and I deserved to be loved, just the way I am. Now the phone is so quiet, there are no calls or messages, there are no feet touching at night there is nobody to dry and wipe my tears cause he is the reason of them.
We come into the point we doubt our faith, we doubt the world and we think the world is a dangerous and dark place. We ask ourselves if God exists, if he does, why did this happen, why with us, why now. We see ourselves having physical pain due to the grief that nobody understands, we try to explain the family the it doesn´t get softer, but it gets bitter, cause there is a part of the body and soul missing. We have to fake at work we´re ok, even being distracted and dying inside. I just had one week off. Sunflowers were considered our flowers. It´s the nickname I gave him. Yesterday, I won one from somebody who didnt know about it. the person could have given me any other flower, but No. It is an amazing sunflower, just the day after I begged him for a sign. Making a life worth living for signs is all that is left.In which garden are you at now, Dave?