A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Addicted
Like resignation to the end, always the end
That line of a song struck me. Am I addicted to the sadness and meloncoly if losing my soulmate? How long will it last ?will it really be til the end? And why am I ok with this? The song was talking about someone with a relationship that ended. This line the only one that really factored into my life. Or will eventually the song ring true in a diff since will gene become just someone that I use to know. What would he want for me?
I am certain with the love we shared he will never ever be just someone I use to know, but the over all sadness. Is it true I have become addicted to this certain kind of sadness? Had never thought if it that way. Gene always said he taught me to be happy. He did he was. I had lost my sense of joy. I found it again with him. That joy is difficult to even pretend to maintain without him. He took my black and white and made it a rainbow. How to I keep his rainbow in sight? How do I learn to live with my addiction while still living because it is what my gene would want me to do? It's what he would want for his baby daughter. How do I do this? Signed --addicted to sadness
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Comment by Jerry on August 25, 2012 at 3:12pm
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Reading about being addicted to sadness makes a lot of sense to me,maybe that's what I am. I can be having a good time somewhere and then get guilt feelings. At that point I would rather be home and just think about the past. It has been over 2 1/2 years that my wife passed away and although for the most part I am sure most that know me would say I am doing fine, I know that I have a broken heart.
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Comment by Sharon on August 24, 2012 at 10:38pm -
Oh, honey. I love to hear you talk about your love for Gene and his love for you. It reminds me very much of how Bruce and I loved each other in those early days. Then babies came and then life came and things got muddied up a bit. But, I remember.
You can indeed get addicted to feeling miserable but you can't stop the grief before it's time. Sort of like wine maybe? As you shift into your life with that baby girl little whispers of joy will start to brush up against your cheek just like Gene's kiss. You will not want to feel miserable as you get those little surprise gifts. You'll celebrate!
I would dearly love to meet you. And one who can write this cannot be addicted to misery: "He took my black and white and made it a rainbow"
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Comment by Suz on August 24, 2012 at 11:12am -
Ash,
Just one point. Just because you have lost your joy right now does not mean you are addicted to sadness. Frankly, you are still grieving. If you are feeling like this in five years, then you can wonder if you are addicted!
My thoughts only,
Big hugs,
Suz
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