Tomorrow will be 3 weeks that my Billy died suddenly at our son's wedding. Went through the wake two weekends ago, went to our nephew's wedding last weekend, which was very hard for our grown children but they went (they left early but went), got a new grand-son born yesterday. Today is the burial of the cremated remains or whatever they called this box with what is no longer my husband in it. It's in my car trunk, I can't even relate to it as part of him, he's gone and not in it.
I thought I was doing fairly good, but the past few days I think I'm going down hill. Knowing our grand-son was about to be born and that my Billy wouldn't be there to see him, he was looking so very forward of this birth. I am very fortunate that I have great friends and family who are there for me, I don't know how I'd get by without them all.
what I think is happening is that the shock and numbness is wearing out. I cry at small things, and worried of what is going to happen when faced with bigger things that I would have leaned on him to cope with.
What really suck is that finally the youngest had moved out, it was just Bill and I, and we became sweethearts all over again, so happy to be with each other for once as a couple instead of parents. I am greatful that the past 3 years we did several cruises, not waiting for his retirement. The next one was for early this November to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary which was early September, but we couldn't celebrate then, because of the two weddings two weeks apart. I had to cancel the cruise, they wouldn't let me transfer my own ticket, only his. I lost half, but I just couldn't do it with someone else. I don't know if I can ever cruise again, it was "our" thing.