I am alone tonight, New Year's Eve. Just had a phone call from my younger son and a text from my daughter, so not forgotten by my family. I guess I should expect this now with no-one special in my life. I wasn't invited to a party or to join any of the families, I did have Christmas with family so that was our special family time . I am okay with my own company now so I should not complain.
My review to follow up the melanoma operation is next Thursday so I am remembering that experience and feel just a little scared, nasty tests still to come. A family member is taking me down to Sydney so I will have support. I am a scarry cat sometimes. I have to have a few needles and that is part of the process, wish it wasn't. I know it is silly at my age to have these fears but I do.
Through this week I have had a few encounters with people I barely see through the rest of the year, we do a quick catch up and that is it till next year. One was a cousin of Ray's I am fond of,she is alone now do to divorce so understand s my loneliness and isolation. She doesn't live close by unfortunately! But it is always good to have a catch up. So many friends have moved away and that has reduced my friendship circle. One of the problems of the ageing process
Along the way I have also encountered some of my disabled friends from the Stroke Recovery group so I was reminded once again to count my blessings and pull myself up and go on as cheerfully as I can. No-one wants to be around someone who is constantly harking back to the past but my past was in many ways preferable to now. I guess we can all say that. I am not seeking sympathy just pointing out how it feels to be here tonight on my own.
So maybe in 2018 I will get a pet, something to greet me when I come home to an empty house, or sit here feeling sorry and not my usual optimistic self. Honestly. I don't want to feel this way. I am watching the Show which precedes the fireworks on Sydney Harbour, there is some advantage to watching this in the comfort of my own home but.... how I wish I was not alone. No sense in dwelling on that thought though.