Alone-ness is the worst part.

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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on October 4, 2012 at 9:18am

I really liked everyone's responses about being comfortable with ourselves first. Perhaps that is the key and hopefully what we are moving forward toward. Hugs. 

Comment by hendrixx2 on October 4, 2012 at 5:22am

hi zztech,

I totally agree about the loneliness, having come to terms with many other facets of grief, at the heart of it remains the loneliness...I am convinced that the answer will be different for each of us, but I do believe what mariposa suggested is pretty accurate; ''When I can find I enjoy being alone in my own presence, when I can find joy in the solitude and not feel lacking, when I can find the gift within the solitude, when I can be happy alone,...'', I believe I have to become comfortable with myself being alone first, then from there other things can follow...More to your point, how do we get there??? Of that I am not so sure, at present I am hoping that the more I move forward, the more I understand about being with myself...maybe that will help, but really, I have no definitive answer about the loneliness, and I'm sure it will be a different anwer for each of us...it's all just so personal...thanx for your post

Comment by cec on October 3, 2012 at 4:19pm

awe so sorry sweetie.....I don't like the saying moving on.....I'm moving forward...Never replacing him but opening my heart up to the next chapter in my life..Not an easy thing to do  but possible..One step at a time ....hang in there

Comment by Mariposa on October 2, 2012 at 4:38pm

Dear Zztech-I am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you at feeling alone. Your loss happened very near to the date of my own loss. I lost my husband on December 12, 2011 after a nine month battle with a rare cancer. He was 47 years old, we were married 20 years, and I am now a single parent to a 14 year old boy. 

The lack of our companion's presence by our side is very difficult, at times unbearable. It might be helpful to recruit a friend or relative to give you companionship for doing things with because your heart is still healing.  Half of your heart has been torn away and the healing takes time. Becoming a whole person again is part of the healing process. I struggle with the absence of my life's partner as well. I have spurts when I am okay and I do not feel alone. Going from "loneliness" to "solitude" is a sign of healing. When I can find I enjoy being alone in my own presence, when I can find joy in the solitude and not feel lacking, when I can find the gift within the solitude, when I can be happy alone, then I will know I am healed. No one can bring us happiness. Happiness comes from within.  We who have lost our spouse have had half of our heart ripped away leaving us with a gaping would. When we are healed from the wound of having our beloved spouse torn from us, then the right company, the right person, will come along because there will not be a need from the loneliness and the despair of grief. The wound has to heal because our lost one can never be replaced, and to look for companionship before the wound is closed, might likely cause us to end up with a person and comparing him/her to our lost loved one.  Be gentle with yourself, be patient with yourself. I wish you peace, strength, comfort and healing. ((((HUGS!))) Mariposa