Last night was the first night I've spent alone on the farm. My kids were here, but they are kids. My "step-daughter" and her family share 40 acres with me. They took a weekend trip. It was eerily quiet and dark out here. I felt really alone.
It's strange how little things like that make me feel vulnerable and achy. I ache for Jerry, he was the kind of man that made one feel safe. I was never afraid when he was here. There are so many small adjustments to make. In attitude, physical, mental. I somehow didn't know this type of grief touches every part of a person. I'm learning little by little I have a lot of growing to do, that I didn't even know about. Wow, it so many ways I feel like a small child discovering more and more of the world around me.
Life is beautiful, or it was. It will be again someday somehow. If I allow it to be anything else Jerry would be so disappointed. I never disappointed him in life and I won't disappoint in death either. So, Iike a child, I'll toddle around and muddle through marveling at the newness of the world around me. I hate that Jerry's gone but he's still teaching me about life, love and happiness.