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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Last night was the first night I've spent alone on the farm.  My kids were here, but they are kids.  My "step-daughter" and her family share 40 acres with me.  They took a weekend trip.  It was eerily quiet and dark out here.  I felt really alone. 

It's strange how little things like that make me feel vulnerable and achy.  I ache for Jerry, he was the kind of man that made one feel safe.  I was never afraid when he was here.  There are so many small adjustments to make.  In attitude, physical, mental.  I somehow didn't know this type of grief touches every part of a person.  I'm learning little by little I have a lot of growing to do, that I didn't even know about.  Wow, it so many ways I feel like a small child discovering more and more of the world around me. 

Life is beautiful, or it was.  It will be again someday somehow.  If I allow it to be anything else Jerry would be so disappointed.  I never disappointed him in life and I won't disappoint in death either.  So, Iike a child, I'll toddle around and muddle through marveling at the newness of the world around me.   I hate that Jerry's gone but he's still teaching me about life, love and happiness.  

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Comment by Rainy (Misty) on February 16, 2018 at 5:26pm

How sweet of you to say Maria, and thanks again for coming to Chat.  

Comment by Maria Louisa on February 16, 2018 at 3:45pm

Dear Misty,

I remember the first time I was alone for the weekend. I cried way harder that first night. I felt like I was facing my grief head-on with no relief or distraction. 

Yes - life will be beautiful again someday. And it is beautiful in the midst of pain, too. Think of how some of the most beautiful pieces of music touch that deep part of our souls... There is a universal understanding that tragedy hits every life in some way. Some of us it hits more deeply and acutely. YOur attitude is beautiful. But do also allow yourself to grieve. Just don't get stuck in the grief. Your children will help you to prevent that. Much love to you. Keep writing. 

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