A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Am I a bad widow?
Hi, Here is my story. My husband of 20 years was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer on April 1, 2009. Great joke huh? It had already travelled to both his lungs, his liver and his bones. He died 2 1/2 months later on June 17th, 2009. It all started in March when he began complaining of leg and butt pain. Everyone assumed it was sciatic nerve. After 3 ER visits, a visit to the chiropracter and about 200 vicoden later I demanded an MRI. WHAM. I was at work when they got the results and the ER doctor told me Keith had cancer. No sitting us both down, no compassion, nothing. But I knew by the sound of his voice it wasn't good. I didn't want to go to the hospital right away because I knew my life was going ton change forever but my boss pushed me out the door. After speaking with the oncologist and planning a course of treatment, we told our 16 year old daughter. Flash forward 2 1/2 months and he was gone.
In December of that same year I lost my mother in law, my Mom, my favorite Aunt and my dog. I didn't have time to grieve I had to keep moving forward. Now I am just starting to grieve. Am I a bad widow? for not grieveing before this?
Views: 189
Comment
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Comment by fuzzydave on December 15, 2011 at 7:10pm -
If your a bad widow then I'm a bad widower, I lost my wife,mom in law ,dad in law and best friend in 4 months
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Comment by Susan B on December 2, 2011 at 9:03pm -
you were in shock (a survival technique--a very effective one, at that) If you had grieved all those losses at once, it might have broken you. So you were being smart. ((((hugs))))
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Comment by starbeemer on November 30, 2011 at 4:27am -
If you're a bad widow, then so am I!
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Comment by Dee on November 29, 2011 at 5:28pm -
I think we all have our own journey. I know about the piling on effect. I lost my husband, three days later the dog he loved died, a month later the doctor told me I need spinal surgery before I was paralyzed. I had the surgery and then my daughter totaled my husband truck and her car broke down and I am at home on morphine in a neck brace. I think you were just trying to make it
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Comment by bad ass widow on November 29, 2011 at 1:31pm -
Thank you Abby, I have been seeing a therapist for the last month or so and it has helped. Joining this group had also helped. I thought I was doing so well but realizing that I wasn't was an eye opener.
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Comment by Abby on November 29, 2011 at 11:59am -
You are most definitely not a bad widow....no such thing. You have been hit with so much grief in a such a short period of time, you should be proud that you are even standing. Grieving is a difficult process and it can be done at any time. I would certainly recommend that you seek out some kind of counselling to help you through this diffucult journey. The most important thing is that you recognize that you need to go through this process and only now have the time to do so. Good luck as you take the journey that so many of us have and are still on. I have just passed my 10 month mark and I know that December will be a very difficult month for me. I cannot wait to turn the page on 2011 as it has been the most difficult and saddest year of my life! Good luck with your journey and know that sadly so many of us understand you!
Abby
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Comment by carolynne on November 28, 2011 at 10:03pm -
You are not a bad widow....I'm completely amazed that you survived all of that and are still standing. That said...if you feel like you need to lie down for a bit now....then do it. (((hugs)))
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Comment by bad ass widow on November 28, 2011 at 9:55pm
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Thank you all for the wonderful comments. Makes me feel loved.
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Comment by mrossman on November 28, 2011 at 9:25pm -
I think it is amazing that you have been able to function. Your life has been bombarded by huge losses and you still move forward. Sending you many hugs and strength.
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Comment by CrazyWidow on November 28, 2011 at 11:10am -
No, you're not a BAD widow. Everyone has their own timeline. If you're ready to grieve now, grieve now. You may not be ready for another 20 years, and that's ok too. *hugs* You've had quite the battle so far. Surviving through the past 2 + years has been enough!
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