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Am I going to start licking windows now Doc?

(These are just my thoughts at the time of this meeting with the doc. PTSD is very serious and I don't mean to demean the sydrome with poking fun at myself. Many of our soldiers suffer from this sydrome. The humor is poked at me only and my feelings on how I have felt during this time)

I finally made that step to seek out professional help.  I found a highly recommended grief counselor here in our little city in the PNW.  I haven't been ready to share my story until about 3 weeks ago when I returned from a trip to DC. I had a shift in my reality in DC. I realized I didn't wanted to truly open up and talk to anyone about what happened to me the morning of July 7, 2013, the day I lost my husband right before my eyes.

 

After some evalutions the doc diagnosed me with PTSD.  I remember staring at her in disbelief, but oddly knowing already this made complete sense.  The night terrors, lack of sleep, the visions, anxiety, lack of concentration, and whatever else my brain throws at me.

However, do you know what came to my head? That Dr. Demento song, "They're Coming To Take Me Away. HAHA HOHO". All I could hear in my head were the following lyrics from the song

They're coming to take me away, ha-ha,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho,
hee hee, haa haa
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha...

 

I chuckled at the therapist while this song is going through my head and looked up and said, "I don't want to be put on medication so I am licking windows and basket weaving in a week’s time. Can we just have intense talking sessions????"

 

Her eyebrows shot up and I thought she was going to bust up laughing at me.  I'm sure she wanted to.  I would if I was her.  After realizing what came out of my mouth I would have put that down as one of the top #100 funny things a patient says in a therapist office.  

 

She gave me a reassuring smile and told me, "I can't put you on medication dear.  We are going to just talk.  We're going to start unwinding your brain and get you moving forward past the trauma of your husband’s passing.  If you start basket weaving......... or licking windows, is that what you said? Then we will admire your new weaving techniques but work on the window licking when that road comes."  

 

HA… a therapist with a sense of humor!  I feel another shift might be coming.  A shift, that needs to be in the right direction so I can start living my own life again.

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Comment by IndiaKai on June 3, 2014 at 5:07pm

Oh.... it was the oddest feeling. staring at her and hearing that song run through my head. hahahaha...

We haven't done EMDR yet.  I have had 5 sessions so far.  I'm still struggling, but I'm feeling good with her.  I really like going to see her.  It's weird... I look forward to talking to her. I don't have many I trust to talk about what is TRUTHFULLY going on with me on a daily basis. So, talking to her is a new found relief.

Will you be in San Diego in July?

Comment by rodsgurl09 on June 3, 2014 at 10:27am

*chuckle* I can see you sitting there trying not to laugh out loud ;) I really DID chuckle over that, thanks for sharing!

ON a more serious note....have you talked about EMDR at all?? It's not for everyone, of course, but it really helped my PTSD.

Wishing you well.

Comment by only1sue on May 18, 2014 at 2:05pm

I think most of us have a soundtrack running in our heads and like you the bizarre and obtuse often comes into my mind when I am in an uncomfortable situation and makes me smile.  A work colleague who was into music once said he could tell what I was thinking by what I was humming.  I used to stop if I thought he was close by. Don't want all my secrets known.

Good luck with the counseling sessions I had six February to April last year to help me move forward.  I thought of having a couple more earlier this year when I thought I was stuck again but realised there are roadblocks I have to remove myself first. I don't have PTSD but did have long term exhaustion and brain fatigue from 14 years of caregiving, mostly alone.  Now I rest up when I need to and who is to say I can't?

Comment by IndiaKai on May 16, 2014 at 10:18am

Thanks Barbee.  I had another session this week with the therapist and I told her about this song and the lyrics. I mentioned it ran through my head on our first session and she chuckled.  She told me she could tell on my face there was something going on in my head, but clearly didn't want to fess up to it.  I really like this therapist.  She makes it easy to laugh. She makes it easy to cry. She is the only safe spot I have found in the last 10 months to really describe the horror of watching my husband die in front of me.  I write a lot but it is mostly for myself, I don't share the dark. I can share with her and that is a good shift for me.  

Comment by barbee on May 14, 2014 at 4:15pm

Keep up the delightful sense of humor, IndiaKai. Not only is laughing good aerobics, but seeing the silly side of things is healthy and healing. Remember, to eat an elephant, one has to take it one bite at a time. ((HUGS)) to you from a west-sider (Everett).

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