(These are just my thoughts at the time of this meeting with the doc. PTSD is very serious and I don't mean to demean the sydrome with poking fun at myself. Many of our soldiers suffer from this sydrome. The humor is poked at me only and my feelings on how I have felt during this time)
I finally made that step to seek out professional help. I found a highly recommended grief counselor here in our little city in the PNW. I haven't been ready to share my story until about 3 weeks ago when I returned from a trip to DC. I had a shift in my reality in DC. I realized I didn't wanted to truly open up and talk to anyone about what happened to me the morning of July 7, 2013, the day I lost my husband right before my eyes.
After some evalutions the doc diagnosed me with PTSD. I remember staring at her in disbelief, but oddly knowing already this made complete sense. The night terrors, lack of sleep, the visions, anxiety, lack of concentration, and whatever else my brain throws at me.
However, do you know what came to my head? That Dr. Demento song, "They're Coming To Take Me Away. HAHA HOHO". All I could hear in my head were the following lyrics from the song
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho,
hee hee, haa haa
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha...
I chuckled at the therapist while this song is going through my head and looked up and said, "I don't want to be put on medication so I am licking windows and basket weaving in a week’s time. Can we just have intense talking sessions????"
Her eyebrows shot up and I thought she was going to bust up laughing at me. I'm sure she wanted to. I would if I was her. After realizing what came out of my mouth I would have put that down as one of the top #100 funny things a patient says in a therapist office.
She gave me a reassuring smile and told me, "I can't put you on medication dear. We are going to just talk. We're going to start unwinding your brain and get you moving forward past the trauma of your husband’s passing. If you start basket weaving......... or licking windows, is that what you said? Then we will admire your new weaving techniques but work on the window licking when that road comes."
HA… a therapist with a sense of humor! I feel another shift might be coming. A shift, that needs to be in the right direction so I can start living my own life again.