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I don't know where to begin... I lost my husband almost 2 years ago and I find myself still in shock most days. My husband and I had been together almost 4 years, but married only 5 days yes that's not a typo 5 Days, he collapsed during his nightly run. It was the best and worst week of my life. We have no children, we were just starting our lives.

I can't help but feel like his immediate family didn't really recognize me as his wife because of the short time. But I'm his wife and he was my whole life. We moved 4 hours north of our families and as far as I'm concerned he was my only family. We spent every holiday with his family, we were all so close even during the funeral and weeks after, UNTIL  L.J.'s HR called and informed me that his dad was soul beneficiary, LJ didn't have time to change, as he was only at work 1 day for two weeks because of the wedding he had written himself a note to change it. I wasn't worried when I got that phone call I knew how close we were as a family I figured they would do the right thing.

I WAS WRONG! See Lj was the breadwinner while I was finishing nursing school, I only worked part time, making very little during school. I was forced to pay for a 850$ mortgage, propane and that was 700$ a pop, I started selling things to pay for other things, His parents watched me struggle and never even offered to help, I had to sell my house and open an estate to pay off the credit card that paid for our wedding, again they didn't offer.

I gave them everything they asked for of his, never even questioned it, I mean it is his parents. Don't get me wrong I don't care about the money because LJ gave me the best gift and that was his heart, but I lost everything my husband, my future, my home, and my heart. They received almost 80K and never offered a penny? Am I wrong for feeling jaded and hurt by this, I mean I was his wife and if he would have had time and things were reversed, I would not have hesitated to give them money, I guess that's where we differ.

On top of this they ordered a headstone and never asked my opinion and then when it arrived they never told me, it was when I visited his place of rest which is two hours from here , about 10 minutes from his parents house like they requested and I did not contest. All the things that they had to have sits in their garage even the toy chest I wanted to go to his niece, just sits there. Again am I wrong to be jaded and hurt. They don't talk to me as much, mainly because I haven't called because I don't know what to say to them because I want to tell them why I don't call, but out of respect for my husband I say nothing.

AM I WRONG?

Thank you for listening.

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Comment by gcortez55 on March 25, 2015 at 2:41pm

I don't think you are jaded for thinking this, i would be equally hurt and feeling cheated out of not being the soul beneficiary for my husband if this happened to me. hugs

Comment by lonelyinaz on March 21, 2015 at 11:44pm
This is complicated as we all get that. But, of course; there is always a but, so sad for you i'm sorry what a load of heartache. My hubby's family some wonderful some crappy. If the crappy had the opportunity i would have been screwed over to by them. Life can be so hard sorry you have lost so much. Keep in touch here we care.
Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on March 20, 2015 at 7:00am
I am very sorry for your loss. I do understand as my husband died after only two years of marriage. He had no will. I do not think you are wrong to feel hurt by this, as I have experienced something similar. Lairs jay is right. The sad fact is death can bring out the worst in people. The truth is that the money DOES matter, especially when you are grieving and overwhelmed. Some lessons are hard learned. The truth is you MUST get it in writing and you MUST always look out for your own interests even when it comes to your spouse, his family, your own family, etc. because if you don't do it, no one else will. Just know that you are not the only one in this situation and hopefully things will get better in time for you. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Comment by Callie2 on March 19, 2015 at 5:49pm
i am sorry for your tragic loss, how sad. Whether we are married for four days or forty years, losing our love and all things connected, including family has got to be very difficult. Did you mention to your in-laws that your husband had intended to change the beneficiary? When adult children marry, they become one. Our responsibility is over. It would have been honorable for them to sit down and discuss the money and offer you some help as i would hope your husband would have wanted. Something could have and should have been settled upon. Shame on them for being so cold and thoughtless. When it comes to money, people can be disappointing.
Comment by Talisker (Steve) on March 17, 2015 at 11:54am

As Benjamin Franklin once said,"To know the true nature of a person, inherit with them". I am so sorry it has come to that. I know they are grieving the loss of their son, there is no reason not to extend a helping hand to you.

Comment by laurajay on March 17, 2015 at 10:38am

Very very sad happenings.  I am sorry you have suffered such loss!  I know one thing that is fact-true fact-  In life you must "put it in writing"  or it does not happen.  I have seen the hurt in families time and time again where people thought love and the spoken word would prevail- no way-  I have heard stories here at at wv where people were deeply hurt by stepfamilies, inlaws,  etc because the written word was the law and even though they claim their spouse meant to change wills,  insurance beneficiaries, mortagages  etc   they in fact never actually got it done before they died.  Tragic.  The spouse that survived not only has loss of partner but not a leg to stand on where legal matters are concerned.  States have different laws from one another and it's worth checking into but better to consider it a strong lesson learned for the future and tell everyone  you know for everything...friends, family, neighbors,stangers and enemies...get everything in writing and get it signed.  I watched people get deeply hurt and angry and resentful over such things all because what was said and assumed and hoped for did not take place as there was no written word.I am so sorry you are suffering...when you surface from this I hope you will be able to begin again.  I would stay away from his selfish family and look for new friends.  They are insensitive and mean  but the law covers their sin unfortunately.  Be brave.  I don't know your age but I hope you can begin again one day and that you'll  always rem ember this horrible painful lesson....to get it in writing for everything as soon as possible.

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