My shopping habits used to be so predictable, every Saturday morning like clockwork. For 27 years while I was married I don't think I really varied from that routine much. Friday was payday which meant I could stock up for the coming week. Now I just go when I really have no food in my house that I want to eat and it doesn't matter what day of the week or time of day it is, I simply go.
I went shopping this Saturday morning, and it almost felt like I was back in the groove again. I got in line with one of the clerks I've been friendly with for years because I'm a frequent customer. As she scanned the groceries she asked the question which threw me for a loop. "Are you celebrating tomorrow?" I simply shook my head and said "I have no reason to celebrate at my house." Thankfully she changed the subject and didn't probe further. She may never know the way her question affected me.
I drove home thinking about what we would have been doing to celebrate if he was still alive. How the girls would be here, laughter would fill our house and we would celebrate.
Sigh. He was an funny, silly, dedicated, proud daddy of two beautiful girls. The weight of sadness my children may be feeling is heavy on my heart today. Even in my sadness I'm filled with the love you shared with them and the moments they will always have in their hearts of the man who loved them more than any other man ever will.