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I thought I was doing better. I survived ,Thanksgiving, Christmas was disappointing, and I made it through January 1st. I am into February and I am having the hardest time since last May. I had to go to the Dr. and get more medication. I am so angry. I am not angry at my husband. I am angry at people. Everyone that gets in my way. People sincerely annoy me. I have been trying to close on a house. The only thing I needed was a deposit from my military pay. I gave it to them on the 1st of February and my close is not till the 19th and I have to spend another 450.00 for another appraisal. My husbands brother is going to Australia, yet in May he could not afford to fly out and pay his respects to his older brother. I want to strike out at people. I don't know if this is the anger phase they talk about or not. I thought the anger was towards the departed. I don't even understand this. I am even angry at being angry. I always want to cry.

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Comment by Heidi57 on February 25, 2019 at 6:22pm

My husband of 42+ years passed away (age 64) and my anger is directed towards our Canadian & Provincial health system.  He slipped thru the cracks far too often despite my diligence and repeated questions regarding his heart.  I won't go into it all as it's a long sad & devastating story but a health system that gets lauded around the world is still very poor at taking care of those who need them when they need them the most.  The best care he received was the last few days when he went to ICU not the previous plus 3 weeks he was in the hospital.  I've never suffered fools lightly but I understand how my anger at those who should have provided the care he deserved does at times cloud my feelings towards others.  I make an effort to be as polite as possible but there are days when I say nothing so I don't say something I would regret.  I've put off writing my letter of complaint to the health authority because I'm not in a place yet where I can be clear without my anger taking over and clouding what I need to say. 

I'm taking a trip to Mesa to visit with very good friends in March and I'm very pissed that I'm going alone but my big kids and grandkids wanted me to still go as this was something we had planned to do in our retirement but didn't get a chance to do together.  I just thankful these friends have known us for many many years so we have stories that will make us laugh and cry together.  

We'll all deal with our grief differently so don't get down on yourself.  Take care.  

Comment by Roxi on February 14, 2019 at 8:01am

me too i'm full of anger...i'm trying to stay calm but people around me really make me mad...'cos they are so boring so idiots and i think "all those stupids are alive" and my love a special person is gone...i know it's not wise to think this...but is my anger that talks! and you're right...i am even angry at being angry too..! i am angry at my inability to accept my situations now and work for good things in my life now...i'm feel myself as a powerless child who cry for her frustration...roxi

    

Comment by KayeL on February 13, 2019 at 4:34pm

I know how you feel. I was once a people person, I was nice to everyone and most people adored me. Once my husband passed away, most people annoy the heck out of me. Sometimes I wonder if death brought out the dark side of me that I never knew it existed ... There are days I feel awful, I hate the my current self who no longer cares about anything. My husband has been gone for 3 years, and the anger inside me still lingers. I have tried to let go but death transform a person. For me, instead of going to the more positive side, I have gone the opposite. I am young, and knowing my friends and cousins are enjoying their family lives, I am left alone dealing with death and loneliness myself. I just don't know how to be happy by myself when no one has time to even text me or call me every once in awhile. Few weeks ago I bumped into my "good friend," and she only apologized not "having time" to text me over the past year. I simply snapped back saying I am very well prepared to die alone with no friends for next 40 years. My husband left me, my friends are too busy with their boyfriends/husbands/kids. Typing this actually makes me want to cry. Like you, I don't even understand. And yes, I am angry at being angry. Nothing seems to make much sense to me anymore. 

Comment by sis on February 11, 2019 at 7:55am

I hear you. I, too, have been dealing with a lot of anger particularly the past two days. I also got through the holidays rather well, now this month I'm dealing with my wedding anniversary and next month will be a year since his death. I'm sure the anger is from the hurt and loneliness that surrounds me no matter where I am. It's all the little things that conjure up wonderful memories that take my breath away and fall out of my eyes in the form of tears. I'm grateful that I have so many wonderful memories, but I am so exhausted from taking one step forward and three steps back. I feel like I am spinning my wheels just to find out I'm on a stationary bike. I'm so sorry that your husbands brother did not pay his respects, but that is something he will have to deal with and that is one anger you may be able to release.in time. It may not feel like he is feeling anything, but  those choices haunt for a long time. God Bless

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