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Today would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary.  How have I already spent this day alone 3 times? I have no idea. Don't ask me what I did the last two years, I haven't a clue. I am sure I will reflect next year back to this year and also have no idea how I spent today either.

I do remember our 20th anniversary - our last. We never did much for our anniversaries, but we figured this one was special, so we snuck away for an overnight and booked a golf getaway. I think you golfed like 36 holes - I quit around 18, or maybe it was 27? It was wonderful time together. Then, you gave me my anniversary band. I told you didn't 'need this' that you shouldn't spend the money with all the medical bills, blah, blah, blah. It was the last, most precious gift you gave me. Sometimes it's good not to listen to your wife. :)

As I sat at the cemetery this morning, I thought about these two rings I wear. The wedding band, and the anniversary band. The wedding band which now, in hindsight, really represented a promise, a vow to each other but destination truly unknown. We couldn't see into the future of a house, careers, three wonderful daughters, great vacation get-aways, a wonderful four legged friend....and a cancer diagnosis, that would put an end to our journey together.  

The anniversary band represents so much more to me now. It signifies that we had taken the journey, together, and we were doing good, we were living the life. We had discovered each other, put up with each other's faults, we had learned how to be parents, we had learned how to stay married, and how to love our children and each other unconditionally. 

Then, we learned a very tough lesson that no matter how 'good' of a person you are, how hard you pray, how hard you fight, or how it isn't fair, life can still hand you some terrible, terrible things. I think we dealt with them as best we could - you stayed positive and strong, I did the best I could to juggle your caregiving and our girls. But, our efforts went unnoticed, and by the following February, you were gone.

Thank you sweetheart for all your love and for fighting so hard to be with us. We wish you were still here too. This anniversary day, and always, you will remain a part of me.  You have left your legacy in your daughters, and you will always be "Forever in Our Hearts."  


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Comment by MattS on June 9, 2014 at 1:01pm

You blog really hit home with me.  We would have been married 24 years next month.  It's so difficult looking back and knowing that they are gone forever.  On the other hand, I feel grateful for the years we had and for the daughters that we were finally able to have together.  My best to you.

Comment by Patience on June 9, 2014 at 4:25am
Happy 23rd wedding anniversary to you ... You are in my thoughts ... this month of June. Wishing you peace and comfort ...
Comment by madison81 on June 5, 2014 at 12:54pm

Happy 23rd to you, hope the day was sweet in some small way. To you and your girls, the ones who remain to carry on the family's joys. 

Comment by icecream on June 5, 2014 at 11:56am

madison81, happy anniversary to you too. Sounds like your husband had a long road of cancer battle too...I am sorry for your loss.

Thanks Denial, sugarplum and missingrkk....hugs to all of us. :(

Comment by madison81 on June 4, 2014 at 7:00am

Love your post, it is my 26th wedding anniversary today, still think of it in the present tense, not "would have been".  Couple of text messages thinking of me today, but I am only thinking of you my love,missing you so profoundly as always.  Our last healthy anniversary was 2010, our 22rd, our 23rd you spent in bed ravaged by chemotherapy, you didn't survive our 24th.  I know you fought the battle for the kids and me, to eek out any possible bit of time.  I think a lot of the cancer "survivors", envious of people who win the battle, the fact that you died and others do not, doesn't render you less of a survivor, for you did rise to fight the beast, let modern medicine assault you to the core, you survived, until you couldn't.  Cheers to that. As you say (icecream), it doesn't matter how good you are, how much you fight, pray, bargain, sometimes we can't be healed. I love you Michael, you will always be my perfect love.  The kids carry your strength and spirit.

Comment by Denial on June 3, 2014 at 7:28pm
Wishing you comfort and peace
Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) on June 3, 2014 at 4:15pm

((( icecream )))

Comment by MissingRKK on June 3, 2014 at 4:05pm


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