Watching the Broncos this year has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. The first couple games of the season were just as they should be, even if our play wasn't always stellar. Why? Because Shane was right beside me on the couch, a fan of the team, even if he was always pessimistic about our chances. Fast-forward a couple weeks and we were watching a game together from his hospital room. One week after that, I was hyperventilating as the game was starting, outside trying to catch my breath. I had panic attacks off and on that day, and would learn that night that while I was trying to catch my breath, Shane had been breathing his last. Watching the Broncos since has been a mixed bag emotionally. I am glad they gave me something to smile about today.
Moving forward without Shane has not been easy. In fact, much of the time, I think I am standing almost still, just doing what little I can to not be dragged along behind the world that keeps on turning. I don't know what steps are next, but I am beginning to think of the possibilities, and what will happen if I make this choice or that. I am beginning to see that I need to grow in strength, to be the strength my 9 year-old needs to see. He is struggling with sadness, which makes him tired, which makes life a little foggy. He has been hiding this well, but I am getting better at asking the right questions.