People that end up on Widowed Village (WV) are usually alone and devastated by the death of their spouse or loved one. Many have lost parents and/or other close relatives prior to this, but until they actually lose their spouse or loved one, they do not know the pain that we on WV feel. They cannot know it like we do, because the feeling doesn't exist until after it happens and only then can it be felt and understood.
Once we get to WV, then we can begin the first steps in the healing process. Just recognizing that the death of a spouse or loved one is different, can help. People that have not experienced this, including grief counselors, will give you all kinds of advice. Some of which helps and some of which comes across as them having no clue as to what it's like. They all have good intentions and most want to help, but they really don't know how to go about it and sometimes their comments or advice can be worse than if they'd said nothing. Friends and family members can give you the cold shoulder, because they don't want to talk about it and think that you should be able to cope with it because of having such a wonderful life before with your spouse. What they don't realize is that the life you had is gone and it is beyond being hard to live on without the one that you loved more than anything in the world and was basically half of you. You lost your life, you lost your identity, and you lost the best, closest friend that you ever knew. However, you didn't lose you and that's something very important.
As you arrive on WV and try to start the healing process, you'll notice that many have been on here for a long time and some for years and they still say that they are grieving and cannot and will not ever get over it. They cry every day, sometimes publicly and sometimes privately, but the tears continue even after many years. WV is a wonderful place to find and help people after the loss of a spouse or loved one, but WV can, after a while, become a detriment to the healing process. Depression can set in and it's not healthy to be depressed forever. At some point, one needs to ask themselves, how long will I remain like this before trying to regain a normal life.
First of all, we have to realize that we are definitely alone and that our loved one is gone and not coming back. I think this part is well understood, but we have to accept it. Then, we can begin the healing process that we need to get back to living. I myself thought that the world ended when I lost my wife of over 51 years on 8 August 2012. I thought that I would forever grieve and that my life was finished. However, as time went by, I began to realize that I was still alive and that my wife had died and I didn't. I decided to find a job, which I did at Walmart, and I began to try to live again. I love the job and I love working with people. I have found my life is getting much better and I have found that I have the power to embrace life or not. I recently found another lady that, like me, lost her husband. She was devastated like me and like all of us. I began trying to help her and a funny thing happened while I was doing that, because I slowly began to fall in love with her. It was something that a few months ago I would have said could and would never happen. However, life can change and we can change. Our spouses died and we still exist and if we choose to try to live again we can talk to our spouses who have died and ask them for help and guidance as we pursue a new life. I feel that I still have a lot of love to give and a lot of life to live. At first, I felt a little guilty even thinking about another woman, but then I realized that I was doing nothing wrong and was not sneaking around behind my wife's back. I was doing what my wife would want me to do and that was to be happy and carry on without her. I gave everything to my wife while she was alive and now I hope that she can give everything back to me with her blessings and guidance. I loved my wife more than anything in the world and now, together we can move forward in the pursuit of happiness once again.
My days ahead can be full of wonderful surprises and renewed love and life or I can stay in the past and choose not to continue down the path of life. I will choose to move forward and to enjoy the time I have left here on earth. Together with my wife and my new life. I hope all the people who find their way to WV can also find their way to a new life and one filled with love and happiness again. However, to do so, they need to be receptive to it happening and not sit forever feeling depressed and sad. It's not easy, but believe me, it can be done and it is more than worth any effort that is put into it. To feel alive again and happy is something that I thought would never happen to me!
Many warm and friendly hugs to all on WV! May we all find happiness in the time ahead! Stan