Christmas Eve 6 months after Cindy passed, I was in my bedroom playing Nothing Compares 2U by Sinéad O Connor over and over again, sobbing all the time. My daughter asked me: “Dad, why are you doing that to yourself?” My response: “Because, I need to.” My children did get to enjoy Christmas with Cindy’s family.
The second Christmas was slightly better, but I was pretty apathetic about any celebrating. Certainly much emotion and missing Cindy so very much. There again, thank goodness for relatives.
The third Christmas, things are getting better. But still, putting forth a minimal effort. Not as much sadness. Looking at so many of the videos from all of those wonderful Christmases spent together.
The fourth Christmas without Cindy is approaching. I have been looking at some of the photos. No sadness. I do miss her, but I have so much gratitude for all the years that we spent together. It does appear that as a family we are adjusting more to our new life. That it’s not just a matter of making do.