Hello fellow widvillers..
It's been a while since I've written a blog or made a post.
I am posting today, because I find my heart in torment (again),...and it's irritating because I've made such positive progress since my husbands passing.
He's been gone 1 year and 6 months and a day.
We were together for 2 years, everything was magical, and the world was going to be ours, and it was going to last FOREVER---until that unfathomable day that he was killed by a drunk driver.
We got married because it was the most natural thing to do with our love.
We got pregnant because it happend, and we were extremely excited because it was an extension of that love.
I don't have to tell you guys about all of the hardships and challenges of being a widow... because you 'get it' and that is why I love this site.
I am reaching out for some support, ideas, opinions from you...the people who get it.
My husband was cremated, that is what he wanted, and it made sense with his 'go with the flow' free spirited frame of mind. I guess I always assumed that he and I would die close to the same time, and we'd both be cremated and our children would have this one day planned out to sprinkle our ashes out into nature---to share with the world--together.
HOWEVER... that vision came to a halt when his parents asked me for his urn and remains.
His parents and siblings have not stopped by to see how Jack (my son) is doing, they have never inquired about the urn before... but the moment that I tell them that there is a new man in the picture, and that Jack and I would be moving in with him and his girls, they are all of a sudden concerned. Now, they have the courage to tell me that they are finding it increasingly difficult to go on without being around his urn, to see it or DUN
DUN...have a burial for him.
Dig his ashes underground, under the cold, dark ground ...to never be spread out or dispersed. AND a marking stone... to literally remind you of his short life. SEPTEMBER 2/1987---SEPTEMBER 27/2011
what the --- ?????1?!?!?!1?!??!
I am totally uninterested in the idea.
I think Craig would be totally uninterested in the idea.
The worst of it all... they want a plot with him. A plot with a grown married man.
It makes me feel as though they are totally forgetting the fact that he and I did marry, and it was the happiest day of their son's life! (mine too)
They took down all of our wedding photos, but left up all of his childhood ones. (??!?)
Like always, I try to look at every angle of the situation... and I realize that his family may find it increasingly important to have a place to go and grieve...they want to share a plot together because they figure that I have a lot of my life ahead of me, and are understanding of the fact that I may marry again...and this time get the chance to spend a lifetime with that person (and don't get me wrong, the idea of that is truly wonderful, and one that I didn't think I would ever be face-to-face with) BUT I can never, and will never forget my husband, and the biological father to my son. I honestly feel that if his ashes cannot be sprinkled and shared, then mine should be buried along with his.
I am at such a crossroads with my emotions.
I hate that I am so sensitive.
I wish I could just go "okay in laws...you're all still miserable, I am moving forward, here's Craig, do what you want' and pass them the urn... but I CANNOT!!!
Luckily, the man that I moved in with is also a widowed person, and understands my emotions. I just wish I didn't feel so much pressure from Craig's family.
I've been staying at home with the kids... putting my career on hold...and I am enjoying it. :)
The other day we all stood in a circle, held each others hands and sang...
"ring around the rosie, pockets full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down"
sooner or later we all will fall down... and all of this worrying adds up to... what? The main goal in life is to find happiness. How can everyone be happy?!... I am not responsible for the happiness of Craig's family, yet I feel that I am. Are we not responsible for our own happiness... so now what to do??
PEACE AND HEALING continued to you my friends.