A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I am filled with such anxiety about my return to work, it was not a happy place of emoloyeement and I was never anyone's favorite. I just did my job, I voiced my opinion on certain things which I thought was wrong, but nothing got done about it, after all its Corporate America they will always protect the bosses..
I am expected to be in work at 8, I plan on going in earlier so i can be at my desk and ready before anyone shows up. Unfortunely I will be sharing an office with the girl that became responsible for most my job while I was out and she has a heavy load of her own work to do which I think has her feeling hostile towards me. I don't want to go back to that type of environment where everyone will throw a knife in your back and not think twice about it. I was never happy there.. I wish I could just put the pieces together and figure out what I'm suppose to do. I'm not the same person I was when I walked out that door in JUne for my leave and I am not the same person returning to them tomorrow.. this new person just does not care, if things get done they get done, I will not go above and beyond.. I feel bad for all of the jerks I run into who said "why is Jenn still out she married him when he was sick, what did she expect, of course he died.. she needs to get back to work" They need to hope that I do not se them, because they will get an earful!!!
I wish I could express how axious I am about this, most people are telling me it will be good for me to get out of the house and be on some sort of routine.. but this is the routine I DO NOT want to fall back into it and get stuck. I want to do more with my life, I am not sure what that is, but I am working with a life coach in hopes to help me find it! I am so afraid that by walking into that building tomorrow I will just fall into the trap of staying there unhappy, miserable, but it pays the bills.... I don't want that life, I had that life.. I want a new life one that my ANGEL JOE has given me!! Babe I know you will be with me tomorrow as I walk through that door, please just help me make it through the day.. I love you Joe, I wish I had your hand to hold as I walk in the door.