A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Back to work for the first time in 9 mnths..
I am filled with such anxiety about my return to work, it was not a happy place of emoloyeement and I was never anyone's favorite. I just did my job, I voiced my opinion on certain things which I thought was wrong, but nothing got done about it, after all its Corporate America they will always protect the bosses..
I am expected to be in work at 8, I plan on going in earlier so i can be at my desk and ready before anyone shows up. Unfortunely I will be sharing an office with the girl that became responsible for most my job while I was out and she has a heavy load of her own work to do which I think has her feeling hostile towards me. I don't want to go back to that type of environment where everyone will throw a knife in your back and not think twice about it. I was never happy there.. I wish I could just put the pieces together and figure out what I'm suppose to do. I'm not the same person I was when I walked out that door in JUne for my leave and I am not the same person returning to them tomorrow.. this new person just does not care, if things get done they get done, I will not go above and beyond.. I feel bad for all of the jerks I run into who said "why is Jenn still out she married him when he was sick, what did she expect, of course he died.. she needs to get back to work" They need to hope that I do not se them, because they will get an earful!!!
I wish I could express how axious I am about this, most people are telling me it will be good for me to get out of the house and be on some sort of routine.. but this is the routine I DO NOT want to fall back into it and get stuck. I want to do more with my life, I am not sure what that is, but I am working with a life coach in hopes to help me find it! I am so afraid that by walking into that building tomorrow I will just fall into the trap of staying there unhappy, miserable, but it pays the bills.... I don't want that life, I had that life.. I want a new life one that my ANGEL JOE has given me!! Babe I know you will be with me tomorrow as I walk through that door, please just help me make it through the day.. I love you Joe, I wish I had your hand to hold as I walk in the door.
Jenn
Views: 58
Comment
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Comment by Wanderer530 (Bernie) on February 2, 2012 at 5:21pm -
HOORAYYY, from the Home Team! :))
WHEW!!! LOL
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Comment by Joe's Jenn on February 2, 2012 at 3:33pm -
Thank you all for the kind words and advise. I am happy to report that my first day went well. The receptionist saw me walking in the door and he jumped up from the desk gave me a huge hug and gave me his condolences and I just broke down and cried in his arms. He gave me the courage to walk to my office, and I just started crying when I got into my office. Luckily my office mate, who I thought would be mad at me was so warm and comforting. My boss did give me a huge hug and he thankfully gave me a list of things where to start so I wouldn't be overwhelmed.. I honestly was so thankful for that. A co-worker of mine left me flowers on my desk for my first day back.. I was so focused on the bad things about my job that I forgot to see that there are good people there. I hope that it continues to stay good and that I don't let the negativity get to me!!
Susan- I am so sorry that your coworker is a complete jerk. People are so ignorant, I work with someone like that.. thankfully she has left me along. Stay strong and away from her.. =)
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Comment by Cat on February 1, 2012 at 11:28am -
is there a way to look for another job while still working there? i'm so sorry, going back to work is hard enough without feeling like you hate your job... having a life coach sounds like a positive thing. I'm so sorry. Encouraging thoughts your way.. I hope you find the answer to the questions you have.
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Comment by Susan L on January 31, 2012 at 10:46pm -
Oh Jenn, I feel for you. It has been 7 months since Richard died, and I haven't been able to go back. The woman I work with is toxic. Her husband has cancer, and that's all I heard about, how stressed she was, how sick he was, etc. etc. She never wanted to hear my difficulties, you see, my husband was an alcoholic and died from complications of that. She told me it was his own fault, and that I should leave him. Great atmosphere to work in! (not) She also told me I should get back to work as soon as possible to take my mind off things. I'm terrified of going back - I know she's going to be difficult, and I'm afraid of what I'll say to her. It seems the longer I put off going back, the more difficult it gets. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Please let us know how it goes. This is a great place to vent!
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Comment by Wanderer530 (Bernie) on January 31, 2012 at 10:39pm
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Jenn, try to turn inwards and center yourself. The anxiety WILL lessen as that first day draws to a close. Breathe and put one foot on front of the other for tomorrow.
Sending you strength/comfort for tomorrow.
(((Prayers/Peace ALL day tomorrow)))
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on January 31, 2012 at 10:23pm -
Jenn, hugs my friend. I wish I could take you to lunch on your lunch hour tomorrow. I will be thinking about you. I totally understand how you feel, I always hear people say 'at least you have a job and routine.' Yes it's true but I just find myself waiting for my lunch hour so I can leave to go cry. I avoid everyone at work as much as possible. They are the same, I am not. It's hard not to be resentful. It's hard to go above and beyond anymore. I want to find a different job, but don't have the energy. Joe will be with you tomorrow! Hugs!
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