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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I know it is normal to go backward in my grief -- that's what I've been told in my Grief Share class and on the widow websites. It has been 6 months since my husband died. During that time, I've celebrated four of the biggest holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day) and what would have been my 7th wedding anniversary. I've made it through it all with few down times, but otherwise I've been okay. The week of Thanksgiving was horrendous as that's when I happened to find out my husband had cheated on me during our marriage. I think all of that anger helped me get through the rest of the holiday season. I was not going to let it bring me down! However, now I'm starting to feel that lonely and sad feeling. I have accepted and the pain of his cheating has lessened. I miss him now. I'm remembering better times and it is making me sad. Maybe it is the weather -- this cold, rainy, snowy winter has sucked! It has sucked the hope right out of me. No, I'm not suicidal or anything. It's just, I feel like I'm at a standstill, not moving forward and not really moving backward. I don't like this feeling. I want my optimism back. I want to be excited about things, the future, etc.

I've been having a regret too. I regret not having children. Don't get me wrong, I have those that I have "adopted" as mine,but they aren't really. In fact, one of my "adopted" kids just gave me my 2nd grandchild and he's just a doll. However, I feel like everyone's lives are moving forward and I'm stuck in my grief. I'm not going any where. I'm just here. I go to work, come home, go to my Grief Share class, go to my Optimist club meetings, and start the process all over again.

I've been talking to and seeing two different men. Both know my story and are very supportive. While I like them both and think they are wonderful, I don't really feel anything for them. I know this is normal as well, but I so miss that exciting feeling of starting a new relationship; that feeling you get when you receive a message, call or text and you are just bursting with happiness. Will I ever feel that again?

Maybe I just need spring and the new life it brings to hurry up and get here.

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Comment by only1sue on March 7, 2015 at 11:41am

Mel, you do need Spring, you need to be able to walk outside and do all the spring things, sort the wardrobe, buy something new, have coffee in the sun, you know all the things that lift your spirits. Six months is hard, the whole first year is hard.  There are so many anniversaries, so many things you do for the first time alone.  But you will get there.  The loss and loneliness will still be there but more muted than it is now.

Comment by Callie2 on March 6, 2015 at 7:25pm
I am sorry for your loss. Grief can be a roller coaster of many emotions and can take a long time. Until we deal with all these feelings, we can't heal the way we need to. Everyone is different as far as how long it takes. I am glad you are attending a group, I am sure they have explained a lot of this to you.

When the time is right, I am sure those feelings as you describe, will return. Six months is not a very long time. Be patient with yourself as you continue to grieve, allow yourself to feel it. Once you feel totally stable again, you can move ahead with your life and feel sure the decisions you make are the right ones for you.

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