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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Juggling a full time job and part time job, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, doing the grocery shopping, making all of the meals, making sure the car is properly maintained, taking care of three “high maintenance/special needs” pets, doing all of the yard work (including snow removal each winter), paying the bills, worrying about finances, raising a teenage son and making sure all of his needs are being met as well as taking care of myself, is really, really unbelievably hard. Being solely responsible for the life of another person is simply overwhelming. Sacrifices are constantly being made, but that’s not the hardest part of being a widowed parent.

 

The hardest part is the realization that no one will ever share my child with me on a in the same way my husband, David, did. No one will ever look across the room when Andrew does something amazing and feel the same kind of pride I do. No one will love Andrew the way David and I did. That is a very hard fact to come to grips with.

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Comment by Orb101214 on August 31, 2017 at 8:12am

Thank you for writing this!  I understand completely how you are feeling.  I recently started spending a little time with parents of one of my son's friends.  The dad looks a lot like my husband and they are easy going and joke around with each other a lot.  It reminds me a lot of my marriage.  When I am in a good place it is nice to see them together and on harder days I do feel jealous and a little angry.  I have met a lot of people these last six months that never knew my husband or met him only briefly.  I feel like I need to tell them how great of a dad he was because he really was great at being a dad and he loved it.  People tell me that I don't know owe anyone an explanation and I know that I don't, but all of those two parent families get to show how they parent with out even thinking about it.  

I am sorry for all you are going through and that your son lost his dad at such an important time in his life.  I can't imagine how hard that would be for him and for you.  Hang in there, you have a lot of exciting times with your son coming in the near future.  You aren't alone, you have your wonderful son and this community to share all of those times with. Hugs back at you!

Comment by journey on August 24, 2017 at 4:27pm

Thank you both for your replies. Hugs to you both! :) I am very blessed to have my son and despite the hardships I do not know where I would be without him. This year he will be a senior in high school. His beloved father passed just one month after he started 8th grade. My husband didn't live to see him finish middle school, enter high school, get his first part time job, get his driver's license, attend prom, have his senior portraits taken. He won't see him graduate from high school. Won't see him move on to college. Won't be there when he gets graduates college, gets his first job in his chosen field. Won't be there when he falls in love, or gets married, or have children of his own. All of these are milestones that most people take for granted because they expect their partner to live to witness these events together with you. When your time together has been cut short, and you are left to raise your child alone, I find that even now, 4 years after his death, at times I feel angry, and bitter, and resentful of all of my friends who still have their partner with them to share these milestones with. Sometimes I find I cannot be around them, especially when my own grief is raw or brimming just under the surface. This is just something I will have to contend with the rest of my life as Andrew's mom.

Comment by Orb101214 on August 24, 2017 at 10:10am

Being a single mom or parent is hard, there is so much to do and little to no breaks.  I have young children so I just did the first days of preschool and kindergarten as a single mom and back to school nights.  The schools know my kids have lost their dad and they placed them in classes that they felt would be beneficial to them which I am grateful for.  Still I felt like I was wearing the scarlet W walking in, even though most parents there didn't know I am widowed. I did have support.  One sister went with me to a back to school night and another helped me drop off the first day, but I still didn't have Mike to whisper to 'we created these two, aren't you proud?'  There isn't someone to share that with and it is so hard. Mother's day will not be a bigger day and father's day will always be painful going forward.  I am glad I have them though.  I don't know how I would be doing if I didn't have two minions that hang on me and demand attention.  

Comment by OriRising on August 24, 2017 at 9:30am

This is so true- I still struggle with this realization all the time.  ((hugs)) to you

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