I grew up in a small town, where everyone knew everyone and their mothers, grandmothers, etc.
I loved my town.
school, jobs, houses, met my husband there….but when he died there… I liked my town less.
I moved away.
new schools for my children, new job, new house, new husband….I like my new small town.
However, something happened to me recently that put me in a downward tailspin. Social media sites, like Facebook begin to meld all parts of life, occasionally resulting in collision with parts of the past, parts of the present, pieces from the future even? lol
anyway, an old town friend requested my friendship over Facebook. Normally, unless I really really know that person well, if they are from the opposite sex, I won't accept the request. I hate complicating relationships, and regardless of logic, sometimes jealousy overrides it and relationship riffs commence (at least from my experience)
but… I deemed that this request was harmless, and I accepted the friendship between an old town friend (male) and myself.
This friend, heard what happened to me years ago, and wanted to reach out then, but didn't know how, or what to say…so didn't. Now, he felt the need. (the 25th of this month is the date of my husbands car wreck)
so in 5 days, I'll be facing my 5th year without Craig. 5 days, 5 years!? fuck!
harmless did I say?
my god! I spent the morning in bed, in tears. The entire day in pjs.
"I heard you ran into some unfortunate luck in aylmer years back?"
"yes, hence why I moved".
"I didn't hear the whole story, but I did see you shortly after at the grocery store and didn't know what to say to you"
"I probably looked like hell. its okay. thats normal, no one knew what to say. Basically I married the man of my dreams, 3 months later he was t-boned by a drunk driver, air lifted to the hospital and died 2 days later. I gave birth to our first son 3 weeks after that."
"thats worse than what I heard. I am sorry that happened to you"
and the shitty crying, sobbing, disgusting snot nose and slobber mouth, uncontrolled, not even a care kind of cry begins, and gets harder. deeper.
can't find my breath or self.
why did I accept this request?
why did I break my own rules?
The truth and this reality, was so hard to type, and even harder to read back. It takes 2 sentences to tell my heart wrenching story.