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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I grew up in a small town, where everyone knew everyone and their mothers, grandmothers, etc.

I loved my town.

school, jobs, houses, met my husband there….but when he died there… I liked my town less.

I moved away.

new schools for my children, new job, new house, new husband….I like my new small town.

However, something happened to me recently that put me in a downward tailspin.  Social media sites, like Facebook begin to meld all parts of life, occasionally resulting in collision with parts of the past, parts of the present, pieces from the future even? lol

anyway, an old town friend requested my friendship over Facebook.  Normally, unless I really really know that person well, if they are from the opposite sex, I won't accept the request.  I hate complicating relationships, and regardless of logic, sometimes jealousy overrides it and relationship riffs commence (at least from my experience)

but… I deemed that this request was harmless, and I accepted the friendship between an old town friend (male) and myself.  

This friend, heard what happened to me years ago, and wanted to reach out then, but didn't know how, or what to say…so didn't.  Now, he felt the need.  (the 25th of this month is the date of my husbands car wreck)

so in 5 days, I'll be facing my 5th year without Craig.  5 days, 5 years!? fuck!

harmless did I say?

my god! I spent the morning in bed, in tears.  The entire day in pjs.

He said 

"I heard you ran into some unfortunate luck in aylmer years back?"

me

"yes, hence why I moved".

he said

"I didn't hear the whole story, but I did see you shortly after at the grocery store and didn't know what to say to you"

me

"I probably looked like hell. its okay. thats normal, no one knew what to say.  Basically I married the man of my dreams, 3 months later he was t-boned by a drunk driver, air lifted to the hospital and died 2 days later.  I gave birth to our first son 3 weeks after that."

he said

"thats worse than what I heard. I am sorry that happened to you"

and the shitty crying, sobbing, disgusting snot nose and slobber mouth, uncontrolled, not even a care kind of cry begins, and gets harder. deeper.

can't find my breath or self.

----------

why did I accept this request?

why did I break my own rules?

bizarre timing.

The truth and this reality, was so hard to type, and even harder to read back.  It takes 2 sentences to tell my heart wrenching story.

anyway.

BLAH

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Comment by t2 on December 6, 2017 at 7:54pm

Hey. Just would like to talk if you could. Been a rough couple of years. I think about you a lot. You’re a wonderful person. If you want maybe you could Facebook call me. Or email me. I’m at [email protected] All my love.

Comment by t2 on October 10, 2017 at 4:10am
Hey Stacy. I hope you’re doing well. I was hoping we could talk whenever you are available. I’m still at 256 341 8605. Or you could Facebook call me for free. I really want to talk.

Tim
Comment by Hornet (Cindy) on June 30, 2017 at 6:12pm

Hello, smit! You commented on a post I made months ago. I was just visiting Widville again (very infrequently now) and wondered how you are. Sent you a friend request. Hope you are well and living every day with joy. If not, well...let me know. Hornet-Your Friend.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 22, 2016 at 7:02am

I PM'd a friend request.

Comment by smit09 on September 20, 2016 at 7:47pm

(((((sweetMelissa2007)))))

Ive been diligently waiting for someone to acknowledge my post! (desperate much?!) lol

I have been to my councillor 4 sessions... he spoke with me about my PTSD. I teach yoga and meditation, and I think I speak the part so well...I smooth over so much... my god. things are opening up, coming to the surface, and I can't take it time in and time out.  how does it get out? Im impatient.  I have 5 kids, a new man... I have little time to really deal with it full on it seems...I think I am doing fine, and then BAM. I told my therapist that when I think about my loss, I will always be sad, when I think about my life and love for him, I will always be happy. ...how do I get to the place where I just finally let go of it all and ... well...its so crazy.  I can understand the logic of it all, but why is it so stinking hard??!?!  

thanks for taking the time to read and respond. 

I'd love to know more of your story if you're willing to private msg me sometime.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 20, 2016 at 5:51pm

(((SMIT09)))

This sounds like unresolved grief, and nothing to do w/breaking your rule of accepting a male friendship. Anyone & anything from the past can/will have that effect on you at any given time as well as the possibity of developing PTSD. 

My husband was killed in the same manner as yours; it took years of work & commitment to heal, to get through the anger. I hope you will seek help. Your children & new husband need/want you whole.

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