Everyday I wake up to be in this nightmare of a life that is not one that I want to be in, instead of this nightmare being when I sleep it exists while I am awake where I remember you are no longer with me and I need to navigate this by myself. At night, I have the possibility of dreaming with you, hugging you and kissing you the way it should be when I am awake but it is not. I keep wondering when will this life feel different one day, will I be able to move on or is this what my new normal would be?
We were a very happy couple, always going here or there...eating dinner our, going to a wine tasting or just hanging out with friends....all of that is now gone...everything died right along with you. Sadly we always say our we will be with our friends later in life but that all changes. I am the one alone now trying to figure this all out. Life is different and this is the new now and it needs to be accepted as you will no longer be back to hug me, kiss me and support me like before as this nightmare is my new widowed life....not chosen but handed to me to learn from.