This morning, I sat for a while thinking of all the changes I've been through since Rod's death. Not physical or situational, although of course there have been PLENTY of those, but within myself. From being the most sad and terrified I've ever been in my life, to being more compassionate than I ever was, to being remarkably strong and utterly vulnerable at the same time. I've always been a pretty good judge of character, but I think my BS radar has taken a dump since Rod left. I've been betrayed and taken advantage of numerous times, by numerous people, in numerous ways over the last 32 months. I can easily see myself becoming bitter and hard over this and I'm REALLLLLY trying to fight it. I don't want to become THAT person. I'm thinking of signing up for some more volunteer work. It's been a while since I did, and I think it will do my soul good to see people helping people....maybe restore my faith in humanity again. Just reflecting....
I don't visit here as much as I used to. Busy-ness, for certain, but also....I've been doing better. Still bad days as I think there always will be, but BETTER. It is a relief. I'm grateful to those ahead of me on this journey who helped me walk it, and I want those of you behind me to know, it really does get easier. It may be impossible to think so now, but it will get easier. Hang in there. What you are doing is the hardest work of your life. Be gentle with yourself and just keep breathing and taking those baby steps. Love and peace to all of you.