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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

This morning, I sat for a while thinking of all the changes I've been through since Rod's death. Not physical or situational, although of course there have been PLENTY of those, but within myself. From being the most sad and terrified I've ever been in my life, to being more compassionate than I ever was, to being remarkably strong and utterly vulnerable at the same time. I've always been a pretty good judge of character, but I think my BS radar has taken a dump since Rod left. I've been betrayed and taken advantage of numerous times, by numerous people, in numerous ways over the last 32 months. I can easily see myself becoming bitter and hard over this and I'm REALLLLLY trying to fight it. I don't want to become THAT person. I'm thinking of signing up for some more volunteer work. It's been a while since I did, and I think it will do my soul good to see people helping people....maybe restore my faith in humanity again. Just reflecting....

I don't visit here as much as I used to. Busy-ness, for certain, but also....I've been doing better. Still bad days as I think there always will be, but BETTER. It is a relief. I'm grateful to those ahead of me on this journey who helped me walk it, and I want those of you behind me to know, it really does get easier. It may be impossible to think so now, but it will get easier. Hang in there. What you are doing is the hardest work of your life. Be gentle with yourself and just keep breathing and taking those baby steps. Love and peace to all of you. 


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Comment by rodsgurl09 on February 27, 2014 at 4:24pm

Lauralee, I love your bitterness/love journals idea!!! I'm going to borrow it. And next year at Camp I'll burn the bitterness journal in a fire pit on the beach. :) Love it!!!!

Comment by rodsgurl09 on February 27, 2014 at 4:21pm

(((Bernie))) thank you, friend. I miss 'talking' to you. Hope all is well with you. xo 

Comment by rodsgurl09 on February 27, 2014 at 4:20pm

Mstexan, I'm right there with you, teetering between strong and crazy!!! Just days after I wrote this I had a total meltdown. it's been a pretty bad month, though, in a lot of ways, and I'm trying to see it as a sidestep and not a backslide. :)

Comment by Lauralee on February 27, 2014 at 6:15am

Carolynne - I could have written this - I also am determined to not be bitter even though there are horrible people in the world.  I figure they have always been there - I just didn't notice until they appeared in my life at the most vulnerable time and took advantage in a big way.  I chose to write a bitterness journal to get out all those nasty feelings and at the same time a love journal remembering all the wonderful things from our marriage.  I plan on destroying the bitterness journal at some point when I am ready.  I too am rebuilding a life - I will be volunteering this spring with children at a park, have been pursuing hobbies and have been meeting new people and getting out.  I am taking it very slowly and while I still have a distrust of people, I realize it is not everyone who is like this - there are good people out there too.  I wish you peace also and thanks for starting this blog.

Comment by Wanderer530 (Bernie) on February 27, 2014 at 5:24am


Good to hear you are in a BETTER place <3

Your soul has not only survived the worst, but has evolved with new facets.

You have come a very long way . . . the other stuff going on you "will" triumph over as well.

 Your strength/conviction is woven throughout your post!  Bernie

Comment by Mstexan on February 25, 2014 at 9:42am

Carolynne....I have had the same situations with people using me, when I was trying to be kind, but they took complete advantage.  I found myself thinking about this (one particular person) this week, who I gave a place to live, bought her a car (she was supposed to pay me back), and helped her find a job.  What did she do?  Disappeared, traded in the car I purchased for a newer one, no contact whatsoever, and definitely no repayments!  This was a "friend" of over 15 years!  So...I am disillusioned, somewhat. But then I think, you know, there are just some ungrateful and rude people out there.  That shouldn't keep us from opening our hearts and caring for our fellow travelers, especially on this journey we don't want to be on. Volunteering is a great way to share (without giving your heart away to be stomped on!) :) Right now, I range from being strong, to reverting to that crazy loneliness and insecurity. I do know this...I wouldn't be where I am without people like you and many others -- those that went before me and those who are earlier in their journey. Hugs, girlfriend.  Stay strong and stay compassionate!

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