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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It seems that there are times when I will piss someone off in Chat and that is okay but it really stems from people showing up asking for help and then just up and disappearing with a explanation of any kind. What gets to me is that members come into chat asking for help and when you try to help them they suddenly disappear as if they and not interested or want to hear what we are offering. There is no bbl or brb or anything and for me that is rude. It makes me feel like they do not care what we say or either they really don't want our help.

Those who just up and leave with not so much as a bye, gn, bbl, or any other explanation. They just pop in and out like it's okay. It may be for them but for us trying to help them when they come into chat with a problem and ask for help is just very disheartening. Maybe it is just me but gets very discouraging at times.

Venting here and know it is a safe haven for me to do it here.

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Comment by Hope on January 17, 2016 at 4:15am

One other comment...I often write Hi Everyone rather than each name separately. I hope that isn't disrespectful

Comment by Hope on January 17, 2016 at 4:14am

I have come to chat many times and really appreciate the open dialogue. Since I am just 6 months down the road most of the time I want to share/discuss and talk about grieving and coping strategies. I have always found you Janet and many others very supportive if I bring up those heavy subjects. I am not sure if I ever leave without saying so. I hope not.  I sometimes am too sad to keep up with the conversation when it turns to the day to day chatting about everything from car repairs to pets to what someone is cooking for dinner....the day to day stuff. I am not there yet. I sometimes feel I don't want to spoil a fun conversation people are having to bring up grief again and so there are times I refrain from talking about what's really on my heart. It continues to be a wonderful forum.


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Comment by Soaring Spirits on January 15, 2016 at 5:18pm

Perfect responses, Ali, Callie2 and Laurajay.  It's very important to remember that we have no 'experts' here; no one is in Widowed Village to give professional advice. There are no etiquette rules enforced in the chat room, other than to be kind to one another. We don't monitor the chat room, no one is in charge, and no one is assigned to be there to offer ‘help’ – unless it is a hosted chat hour scheduled for a specific time on a specific subject.

The Widowed Village Chat Room is open to all of our members 24/7 to use or not to use. If you have questions or concerns about the chat room, please feel free to send them to [email protected]

Comment by laurajay on January 15, 2016 at 3:54pm

Hi Ali!   You said it perfectly in your reply.   Chat has no expectations or requirements and we go there if we choose with no rules other than not to give "professional" help as in fact it us suggested by administrators of this site to NOT give or expect expert advise!!!  No one owns or has the right to set their expectations for the chat room  and if you think about it---people are free to come and go as needed---if you find this offending because you want them to acknowledge you--- you can block  them at anytime and avoid being offended.  This is the beauty of open sharing.  We share our stories.  We listen.  We allow freedom to let others grieve as their need arises.  No one is captain.  No one set rules.  Mutual sharing.  Ali, your post should be shared site wide.

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on January 15, 2016 at 2:37pm

I would just say Janet, to remember that we come here to share our experiences and our emotions and our thoughts. As none of us are "professionals" - we cannot expect that people coming in to chat are necessarily coming there for "help".  Maybe they are just incredibly lonely and need to connect to another human being.  Or maybe they are overwhelmed with a problem and specifically ask for help or suggestions, but then they may not be in agreement with what is offered, or maybe they don't even know how they feel about it.  Those of us further down the grief road need to be careful about thinking ourselves as "helpers" or "fixers" of others instead of simply relating our own experiences, and listening. I know I have fallen into that trap once or twice. If what we have to say resonates with someone and helps them, that's great!  But if they ask for our advice, and don't want it, that's okay too. There are no requirements that someone accept anything that is said or suggested.  For me, this has been a place to vent, question, rant, cry and yes, reject any advice or comments I do not wish to accept. This is not a site that has "graduates" who through their experience, are somehow qualified to give advice to newer members. The difference is "here's what you should do" instead of "here's what I did".  It is also a place that people can come and leave whenever they want.  Who knows what is happening on the other side of the screen?  An emergency, a meltdown, a phone call, who knows?  We should all be here to support, listen, and respect each other.  That respect extends to someone's right to leave chat without notice or apology.

Comment by Callie2 on January 8, 2016 at 8:29pm
Hi Janet,
I enjoy chat when I have time and when I see subject matter I can relate to. However, some times, especially when a lot of people begin logging on, my eyes and brain can't keep up with the pace. I do try to remember to say hi and bye which I believe is manners, especially when many are leaving. I'm just thinking there may be reasons why people leave without saying anything, possibly distractions? Maybe they think they will be right back but then the distraction requires more attention? Yes, there are some that lack judgement or manners but when you consider the number of people here, they are few. Also, you understand, I am sure, that people are grieving and that alone causes us to react to things differently as I think we are more sensitive at times. Believe me, I have responses to posts that have hurt my feelings but the only way I can look at it is I know I would not intentionally say anything to bring more pain to someone else. I think that you bring this up is a good thing, it should bring attention to the fact that chat is real time, not like posting to a thread where you can come back an hour later to finish our thoughts. This is actually the first place I ever engaged in chat other than on websites selling products or services. It is actually kind of neat to be able to talk to people from all over the US and outside, all at once.

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