A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Last March cleared out my large house and downsized to a studio apartment. I cleared out oh, so many things. I released all the things I did not need and did not want. I was careful about the things I chose to take into my new life.
My little studio has four closets, one of them a walk-in. I put all my things away and forgot about them. Until now. It is time to go through my "stuff" again and really pare it down to essentials.
A few weeks ago I went through my clothes and got rid of all the things which were too big now. The weight loss plan is working slowly and consistently and I had a large trash bag full to give to Goodwill. I went through the closet again and got rid of the clothes I hadn;t worn since I moved in here. I have to go through them one more time and really be brutal. I now have 47 empty hangers.
This morning I got on the step stool and tackled one of the shelves. I found wire in and out baskets I will take to work for my office. In the basket I found a treasure. The basket held the program for Jon's memorial, our wedding vows and photos from our wedding at Lake Tahoe. I read through it all and teared up, smile and sighed. At the bottom of the pile was a four page letter from his best friend, Dale. dale wrote to me about his 20 year friendship with his "little brother". I read through his description of his love, respect and long time friendship with the man I married. He talked about how happy he was when his friend had found the love of his life and moved across country to be wih her, how he was transformed by happiness, how he called every couple of days to tell him about his new life in beautiful northern California with this amazing woman.
The tears began to roll as I read. For the first time, I was able to cry for someone else's loss. This huge man with the huge heart had affected so many people and so many were devastated. For the first time in over two years, I realized I was not alone in this loss. For the first time, the tears were not wracking sobs of pain, but gentle tears of sadness.
Jonathan, I will always love you and you have given me the strength to carry on and learn to enjoy life again. I am blessed to have been you wife, even for a short time.
I promise to carry your lessons with me and find love again.