A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Cleaning closets
Last March cleared out my large house and downsized to a studio apartment. I cleared out oh, so many things. I released all the things I did not need and did not want. I was careful about the things I chose to take into my new life.
My little studio has four closets, one of them a walk-in. I put all my things away and forgot about them. Until now. It is time to go through my "stuff" again and really pare it down to essentials.
A few weeks ago I went through my clothes and got rid of all the things which were too big now. The weight loss plan is working slowly and consistently and I had a large trash bag full to give to Goodwill. I went through the closet again and got rid of the clothes I hadn;t worn since I moved in here. I have to go through them one more time and really be brutal. I now have 47 empty hangers.
This morning I got on the step stool and tackled one of the shelves. I found wire in and out baskets I will take to work for my office. In the basket I found a treasure. The basket held the program for Jon's memorial, our wedding vows and photos from our wedding at Lake Tahoe. I read through it all and teared up, smile and sighed. At the bottom of the pile was a four page letter from his best friend, Dale. dale wrote to me about his 20 year friendship with his "little brother". I read through his description of his love, respect and long time friendship with the man I married. He talked about how happy he was when his friend had found the love of his life and moved across country to be wih her, how he was transformed by happiness, how he called every couple of days to tell him about his new life in beautiful northern California with this amazing woman.
The tears began to roll as I read. For the first time, I was able to cry for someone else's loss. This huge man with the huge heart had affected so many people and so many were devastated. For the first time in over two years, I realized I was not alone in this loss. For the first time, the tears were not wracking sobs of pain, but gentle tears of sadness.
Jonathan, I will always love you and you have given me the strength to carry on and learn to enjoy life again. I am blessed to have been you wife, even for a short time.
I promise to carry your lessons with me and find love again.
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Comment
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Comment by bad ass widow on July 28, 2012 at 8:57pm -
What a beautiful treasure to find.
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Comment by Cristina on July 28, 2012 at 5:07pm -
I met Billie's friends and family, most of them, after I lost him. They all told me the same thing, how transformed Billie was the last time they saw him, when he went to get all his belongings in Illinois to move in completely with me...how his eyes sparkled for the first time ever. How he told them over the years about our love and how much it meant to him. He'd been alone for 14 years, before me, I mean, completely alone, and no one could even believe at first he had broken that vow and found someone! it all made me feel like a million bucks, like I'd won the Nobel Prize of Life, that this darling, incredible man had chosen me to love, after deciding to spend the rest of his life alone. His sister Jan thanked me a few months ago, for transforming him so that "Solitary Man" was no longer his trademark song. When I hear the recordings of him singing it, it makes me feel so good to know, I was the woman he could trust, he could give all his love to...that he would change his ways, for my love. What more honor could a woman ever have? Thanks, got off on a tangent here, but you just touched a chord with me, here. Best wishes to you, Susan. Keep singing!!
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Comment by Blue Snow on July 28, 2012 at 4:34pm -
I loved your comments about recognizing that other people were affected by your husband's loss. I think a lot of us forget that and expect support from people who can't give it because they are hurting too much themselves.I hope I am where you are in six months. I am in the process of downsizing with an eye towards moving to a small condo. Thanks for the inspiration to keep at it.
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