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I know most of my blogs are what I have been through and what I have learned but this one is just a little different and it is about someone that is still alive.

In 2010 when my Husband Steve had his accident he was in STICU for 2 weeks, well the very first day I was at the hospital I met a lady and her husband was in the same unit, right across from my husband.  They had both been in motorcycle accidents and both had serious trauma and had been through major surgery (I consider any surgery over 2 hours major).  Any ways, it seemed like the two guys were connected as when one would go into a "crisis" the other would right behind the other or at the same time, so this lady and I dubbed them the, "Bad Boys of STICU".  The lady and I ended up becoming very good friends and over the years we have stayed in touch through Facebook, texting and the occasional phone call.  When Steve passed away, she called me as much as she could but could not come to where I was because she was tied up taking care of her husband. 

See since the accident, Steve got better and was recovering and doing really good, where her husband was having massive health issues every time she would turn around.  He has had numerous infections in his throat, and around his neck area, they would have to deal with his A Fib and numerous other issues.  We are still in touch with each other and I keep up on her husband's health and with all of the ups and downs they are going through.  He is back in the hospital and having problems again with the same ongoing issues I have already mentioned. 

Her faith is strong and she journals a lot, taking care of him and his mother, along with trying to work and then the numerous visits to the doctors and hospitalizations, what she is feeling and when she is having good days and bad days, but her faith remains strong.

Here in lies my conflict, I do not want her to join our club, but it breaks my heart to see and hear what they are going through, I so want him to have relief, I do pray for them every day, but I pray that God's Will Be Done.  With what they are going through it made me think what would I do if I was in her shoes?

Is there a part of me that would want the suffering to end or would I be fighting tooth and nail for my husband to hang in there and fight.  I know me, I would want him to fight.  I so understand the want and desire for our loved ones to fight and beat what is kicking them down, but I also understand the side of being so tired that the desire to just give up is so ever present and in the front of every thought.

I remember one time when Steve was fighting MRSA and the medication was making him so sick, he wanted to give up, he was tired and  exhausted, just flat worn out, I kept telling him to hang in there it will get better.  At the time and in our case it did get better. 

I want my friend’s husband to get better and to get strong again, I want them to have a normal life back, but there is a part of me that knows from everything she is posting that it is not going to happen that way.  In the same respect I want his suffering to end, no more pain, and no more infection.  I don't want her to join this club we are in, I really don't.  Hence my Conflict.

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Comment by Aeleice on January 27, 2014 at 5:53am

Just an update, the friend I had mentioned in this post passed away 1-25-2014, he fought a good fight and I know he tried, when the time is right I will give his wife information regarding this site as well as a few others that I have found to help me on this journey.  RiseUp22 thank you for sharing and yes I do believe you have put it into better words than I did.

Comment by RiseAgain on January 21, 2014 at 8:36pm

I can identify with the conflict.. Actually the Apostle Paul even had a conflict... He said he was in a "Straight betwixt two...much better to be with Christ in glory, but knowing he had so much work still to do here"   I guess I am just bringing that up to realize there is nothing wrong wanting someone not to suffer anymore.   My wife passed about 5 weeks ago... I found her in the bedroom, and it was sudden and completely unexpected. Some days I still feel like it is a dream.  Anyway. She mentioned in the past that she would not want a wake where everyone is sad and gloomy because she knows where she is going, and she said she wanted a celebration. Well there was about 300 people at the memorial and celebrate we did. But at the same time, I had people coming up to me saying..."What a beautiful service!!" And I found myself celebrating it as well, then vacilating to realize what I was celebrating, and I would be totally confused!!! How could I be rejoicing at her passing!!   But really, if we believe our faith.. it is something better!!     Right after losing Sandi, I shared at a meeting I was at, and a lady said........"When we come into this world, We are crying and everyone else is rejoicing, but when we leave this world, we are rejoicing, and everyone else is crying!" made alot of sense and I guess that speaks to the Conflict you raise, and the conflict many of us feel.  

Comment by Aeleice on January 20, 2014 at 9:06am

 Thank you Laurajay I do appreciate what you say.  I know I have no control over this, I know it is a path they must walk, inside it is the emotional conflict I feel that led me to write.  Either way it goes I am and will always be there for her and her husband, they are dear friends to me.  I pray for them to have strength and peace every day.   Thank You again LauraJay

Comment by laurajay on January 20, 2014 at 7:03am

Friend or not  this matter is not in your hands  so you need not be in conflict over it.  Let it go to God to the natural happening whatever that will be.  Pray for your friend to have strength and peace as life unfolds.  You need to let it go because it really will happen just the way it should.  Make no judgment  just give your love to her and to truth. lj

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