I know most of my blogs are what I have been through and what I have learned but this one is just a little different and it is about someone that is still alive.
In 2010 when my Husband Steve had his accident he was in STICU for 2 weeks, well the very first day I was at the hospital I met a lady and her husband was in the same unit, right across from my husband. They had both been in motorcycle accidents and both had serious trauma and had been through major surgery (I consider any surgery over 2 hours major). Any ways, it seemed like the two guys were connected as when one would go into a "crisis" the other would right behind the other or at the same time, so this lady and I dubbed them the, "Bad Boys of STICU". The lady and I ended up becoming very good friends and over the years we have stayed in touch through Facebook, texting and the occasional phone call. When Steve passed away, she called me as much as she could but could not come to where I was because she was tied up taking care of her husband.
See since the accident, Steve got better and was recovering and doing really good, where her husband was having massive health issues every time she would turn around. He has had numerous infections in his throat, and around his neck area, they would have to deal with his A Fib and numerous other issues. We are still in touch with each other and I keep up on her husband's health and with all of the ups and downs they are going through. He is back in the hospital and having problems again with the same ongoing issues I have already mentioned.
Her faith is strong and she journals a lot, taking care of him and his mother, along with trying to work and then the numerous visits to the doctors and hospitalizations, what she is feeling and when she is having good days and bad days, but her faith remains strong.
Here in lies my conflict, I do not want her to join our club, but it breaks my heart to see and hear what they are going through, I so want him to have relief, I do pray for them every day, but I pray that God's Will Be Done. With what they are going through it made me think what would I do if I was in her shoes?
Is there a part of me that would want the suffering to end or would I be fighting tooth and nail for my husband to hang in there and fight. I know me, I would want him to fight. I so understand the want and desire for our loved ones to fight and beat what is kicking them down, but I also understand the side of being so tired that the desire to just give up is so ever present and in the front of every thought.
I remember one time when Steve was fighting MRSA and the medication was making him so sick, he wanted to give up, he was tired and exhausted, just flat worn out, I kept telling him to hang in there it will get better. At the time and in our case it did get better.
I want my friend’s husband to get better and to get strong again, I want them to have a normal life back, but there is a part of me that knows from everything she is posting that it is not going to happen that way. In the same respect I want his suffering to end, no more pain, and no more infection. I don't want her to join this club we are in, I really don't. Hence my Conflict.