I seem to be on another learning curve. This time it is about relationships. How do I tell someone who is taking an interest in me versus someone who is just being friendly? I am out of practice, it is 46 years since I have played this game and I have no idea. Not to mention how do I tell if someone's behaviour toward me is appropriate or not? Some of the issues I am finding from being out in the world. I am always friendly towards people and while that used to be an advantage I am not sure it is now and maybe I need to adjust my own behaviour.
Summer is almost over. I can feel it of a morning when I get up and there is s light mist in the valley and in the evening when it is dark earlier. We are still on daylight saving but that finishes after Easter and then it is prepare for the winter ahead. I am not looking forward to that as the short grey days do not leave as much time for gardening, which we do all year here as we have no snow, and other activities and everything seems to be squeezed into a few cold damp and windy hours each day.
So what am I going to do with the time ahead of me? Well I hope to accumulate a pile of books, look out some patterns and wool, well it is acrylic these days, look at the projects I need to work on that can take place indoors like the photo albums and the family tree. The problem with all of this is that it is done alone. It is harder in winter to get out and find companionship and although some of my normal activities continue some are mothballed until around October so I do feel that lack of social contact sometimes.
But wait, what about social activities? I know if I lose touch with friends and family I become morose and unhappy. I have to keep as many avenues of communication as possible going so maybe encourage a few of my friends to come onto Skype so I at least get to talk to someone else each day. I know I will become down hearted in winter, it happens every year. With the short days which are often cold and wet, the chances are a lot of my older friends will have viruses and flu etc and disappear for weeks at a time. This really decimates the places I go and the things I participate in so it is much different to summer.
So I will make a few subtle changes and see how I go. The years don't seem to get any easier, each time I solve a few problems a new set of problems seems to appear. I am having a mid-winter holiday so that is something to look forward too and with a little luck time will pass without too much trouble. Hope my friends in the northern hemisphere enjoy their summer, ours was very humid and now late cyclones are appearing. That complicates holidays this time of the year as the Pacific cruises are compromised by cyclones in the area. So many cruises lately have been rescheduled or become cruises to nowhere. A girlfriend tried to talk me into a cruise but I'll leave that for next year I think.
None of this is serious stuff, I am just ruminating, it is a crossroads of sorts, the decision is to bunker down here or to keep going out and about as much as possible. I am still so lonely and nothing much seems to change there. Maybe being by myself will get to be the norm in the end. I still joke about "the man in the white Charger" and "the man with a campervan" but I know in my heart that it is really unlikely I will find someone who is a fit for me and me for them. I am very involved in the church and to break away from that wold be hard, I am a not very attractive woman over 65 with all that entails and my kids insist it is marriage not finding a partner because of their and my religious beliefs and so that is limiting the field a lot.
So what do I do now? Take it one day at a time as usual, enjoy the journey, have a few laughs, exercise, eat out socially, put some more work into home and hearth and keeping myself occupied. It is the advice I give to others and it is still appropriate advice for me too.