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Cooing with Loneliness: Making New Friends after Widowhood

My blog post that’s gotten the biggest response by far was on the loneliness that comes with the second year of widowhood when people just seem to vanish. So, trying to be positive, my latest is about using a beginner’s mind to reach out and make new friends, it starts:

We are lonely.

The hard part is that we have to fix that loneliness for ourselves. Our former friends and the couples who no longer include us aren’t going to come to their senses, apologize with a big basket of bath salts, and invite us out to dinner. (Really, they’re not).

So let’s start with a new mindset:

Adopting a Beginners Mind: Banishing the Anger

In Buddhism, a beginners mind is to approach something as if for the first time without any preconceived notions. So let’s start by decluttering.

I had to start by discarding my anger at my former friends. Another yoga saying: it did not serve me. Like dating, the worst thing to do when meeting potential new friends is to whine about the ones who didn’t work out. They don’t want to hear about my resentments (no matter how justified).

Our old connections didn’t mean to hurt us. Our lives changed and our needs diverged. Being angry with them only poisons ourselves. They’re off living their lives while we’re wasting our time being pissed off.

But first, let’s unfriend them on Facebook. There! Now we can forget about them. (I will allow you to chant with each unfriending: "You are unworthy.")

The rest is here:

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on March 14, 2018 at 11:17pm

My insight told me I had changed - I abandoned everyone to walk my journey through grief alone as it was meant to be b/c I needed to console myself to heal w/out judgement, work out my emotions & learn to cope w/all that was happening ...

Anger was a major issue for me - had I not put the time & energy into feeling it, I would never have desensitized from the issues to learn to deal w/them effectively. I have much better coping skills now then before Bob's death which also comes from maturity ...

I can't say I had an issue w/loneliness in the 2nd year, I only longed for Bob - not other people ...

Buddhist teachings are very helpful in identifying one's emotions as well as one's true self ...

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