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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I'm approaching the 5 year sadversary since Kevin died.  I knew that this significant amount of time would probably have a great affect on me.  I also knew that running my Kickstarter campaign to raise funds to publish our love and loss memoir and having it end on that 5 year sadversary would trigger things.  I prepared myself as much as possible by cheering myself on, but I didn't think much beyond that.

Last night I had a date night with NH and I felt myself pushing away from him.  Trying to find something wrong with him, our marriage.  I hated myself for that, I still do.  This morning I tried to figure out if it was just the 5 year sadversary that was triggering this, or something else.  That's when I realized that NH and I have been together about 1.5 weeks longer than LH and I were together.  And I figure that triggered a whole lot more than I can imagine.

I've been exhausted, emotional, moody, and not  a nice person to be around.  I've been really unhappy with myself, with my actions, with my callousness to others and their situations and I think this is why.  I think I'm expecting the other shoe to drop.  I think I'm angry I only got 3.5 lovely years with my LH and I think I'm just pissed off.

Man, this sucks.  I really dont' miss grief.  I "got away" from it for a while, and here it is, sucking me down like quicksand.  I can visualize my body, mind, soul, being sucked into that grief pit, pulled down by all sorts of evil.  I hate it.


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Comment by CrazyWidow on October 21, 2013 at 4:46am

Thanks Janet.  You're right-I can't "escape" it - I just need to figure out a way to embrace it and release the emotions of it.

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on October 18, 2013 at 6:53am

(((Brenda))) I think there will always be times when certains dates will affect us.  I don't thik it is something we can quite ever escape from no matter how hard we try.  I hope as time goes on that it doesn't grab us quite as hard as it did in the beginning when we were thrust into uncharted territory. 

Sending lots of hugs your way.  I hope the day is a soft day for you.


Comment by CrazyWidow on October 18, 2013 at 6:33am

Thanks Ms.Kris - oh how I wish we could excape it!

Comment by MsKris12 on October 17, 2013 at 12:21pm

Oh Love!  I get this!  "Got away from it for awhile"   Hard realizing there is no escape.....EVER. 


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