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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

This weekend it will be Father's Day, and as a widow still raising a teen boy, the grief wave has hit me already. Grief rears its head unexpectedly and has a life of its own, so I surrender to it and ride the wave until it passes.

Then today in the mail an envelope arrives with my husband's full name on it and I wondered what could this "time sensitive information" actually be, since he has been dead for 30 months. (It's a little late, don't you think? Sorry, a little warped widow humor there.)

Upon opening it, I find a pre-filled "Voter Registration Application" with my husband's name and address on it from some non-profit organization whose purpose is to register people to vote. I call this non-profit to speak to someone to inquire where did they get their mailing list from as I had submitted my husband voter card per instructions given to me and indicated that he was deceased nearly two years ago.

It takes a while before a live person finally comes on the line. I explained that I was very upset that I just received a voter registration application in my husband's name as he has been dead for 2 1/2 years, so I requested that his name be removed from the mailing list. The guy on the line apologizes profusely. So I ask, "By the way, who supplies you with the names for your mailing list?" He replied, "The county voter registration division. We receive a list of inactive voters."  I stated, "And that includes dead people??" Again he apologized and I thanked him.

I call the office of the county voter registration and the call was answered quickly. I explain that I want to check on the status of my deceased husband voter registration, as I had submitted information that he was deceased per the instructions given to me. I find out that my husband was showing as "INACTIVE" rather than "DECEASED" and that I had to send in a form to "cancel" his registration and indicate that he is deceased. (I thought I did this two years ago!) Sigh!! I hope that it gets done right this second time around. Good thing I have a sense of humor!!


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Comment by quiettsttorm on June 13, 2014 at 6:40am


Thank you for sharing about Father's Day. I have 2 teen boys, as well. It's only been 3 months, and since I only really began grieving about a month ago, it's all pretty raw. I am sure your hubby was a great father. Mine was terrific, a big papa bear! Thank you for sharing about the voter registration!

Comment by Doug02122014 on June 12, 2014 at 9:30am

A week before Indiana's election my wife receive a form letter from a wife of a State incumbent. Was a woman to woman kind of letter asking for her vote. I took letter with me on election day to verify my wife's voting status. Well that caused an uproar and I about got thrown out for violating the campaigning law too close to a polling site. Then 2- poll workers sided with me asked I put away letter and they would answer my question. My wife was correctly listed as deceased on the voting records. I was allowed to vote and thanked the 2 useful poll workers.

Back home I prepared a funeral home thank you card to mail back to the politicians wife. I've yet to mail card but think now I will.


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