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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I hate it hate it hate it. I do not like this being a widow.

I have spent the day taking down the few Christmas decorations and the little tree I bought. In the south it's supposed to be bad luck to take it down before New Years Day. I'll take my chances this year.

Hubby always did the tree and put everything up afterwards. I miss him so much. His teasing grin, his gentle touch, his oh-so-tight hugs when I needed comforting. He's not here to comfort me during these missing him episodes.

That's enough tears for now. Eyes quit watering please. Throat quit tightening up please. Pull it together,woman.

Okay now.

I will however have blackeyed peas and collard greens on New Years Day. I'll have some ham,too but not the hog jowl.UGH. Blackeyed peas are supposed to represent coins and collard greens represent cash,hog jowl is for good luck. I'll pass on that one too. Although I have had enough bad luck.....

I also managed to clean out one of his drawers . I hope one of my nephews can use some socks. I moved his tray table from beside the sofa and put the end table back. I moved his waste can from that side too. I moved his ball caps from the hat rack in the hall to the display rack in the office. I moved his jackets to the closet. One of the caps still smells like him. The coats do not. I moved his bathrobe from the bathroom into his closet. It still smells like him. Such a comfort.

I've still got a lot to do but I'm going to take my time. The office needs tackling. So much paperwork we've accumulated over our 44 years. I know a lot needs to be shredded but what do I need to keep? I need to set up some new file folders for me so I can keep up with taxes,mortgage and bills.

2014 please be a good year.

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Comment by my roses on December 29, 2013 at 9:24pm

My roses  -  saying Yest to most of what you are saying.  My office and Wes' office need tackling, I nibble at the edges now and then, and shred some papers... but the paperwork is still huge.  Still have quite a lot of his clothes, gave away shoes, underwear, and shirts to cousin of his and a Pastor who wore same size shoes.  Have gone out quite a lot over this holiday period.  But as soon as I get home, or the  'event' ends I feel an emptiness. I am fairly sure that it will always be like that. We are joined to our loved one and ripped away - its like a broken plate.  If you tried to stick it back together with another broken plate it would not be made whole.  Yes, yes again.... to those wonderful hugs, to be holding hands, or snuggling up on the sofa, there was always this physical connection. He was always open to a hug, a kiss, a ruffling of the hair.  We have lost exceptional people.

eve

Comment by laurajay on December 29, 2013 at 11:00am

dear  Deborah.  take time to breathe   take time to do nothing   use all the time you need  and rest  my friend please rest...it will all be handled in due time    we all hate being widowed  but time alone will help if we allow it   (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))  lj

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