Today is December 28th. Yesterday marked 2 months since Hubby went home. I thought I was doing good until yesterday afternoon. Once I was off work and in my car I cried most of the way home and all evening up to bedtime.
I've only dreamed of my beloved once since he died. In my dream we were traveling, wearing backpacks and in an airport. That was weird because neither of us ever did backpacks. I would be interested to learn the meaning of that dream.
Hubby always paid our bills. He took care of the yardwork even when he was ill. He took care of the automobiles and anything else mechanical. He was a good handyman. He could fix almost anything. He was our IT guy,too. He did the upgrades to our computers and our phones. I don't know any of that stuff.
I can pay our bills. He had written down all our log-ins and passwords .I will have to learn how to start the lawnmower and how to take care of it. I can take the van to have the oil changed and/or repaired. I can learn how to do upgrades to the phones and computers.
What I don't how to do is go from a "we" and "our" to an "I" and a "me". I have been a "we" for 48 years. How do I find "me" again?
I don't want to be a widow but that's what I am. I am a widow.