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Decluttering
I guess after 20 years of togetherness there are bound to be closets and drawers full of stuff that you have no idea how they got there. Since my Honey left I have been on a rampage of decluttering and purging. I always give to the local charities that contact me for clothing and household item donations on a regular basis. Some of the first things since his passing were some clothing items that were of no sentimental value (except for the fact that he wore them). I even put my wedding dress and his wedding suit in the bag, took them out then put them back. I don't know why either one of us had them in each of our closets but we did. We outgrew them physically years ago. I have cleaned and decluttered for the past weeks, had a yard sale, gave away more than I sold and I still feel like there's too much stuff in this house. I've been ripping out our bedroom carpet little section by little section and putting it in the weekly trash (him and I had planned to do this). Half of my room is concrete floor now. Hard and cold. I guess like my life. I got rid of the shared dresser that we used because his side was empty now and I'll be damned if I'm gonna have that to stare at for the rest of my life. I got rid of his computer desk that was in our bedroom because I'll be damned if I'm gonna look over at it and remember him sitting there at the end of each business day and do his paperwork. Oh hell no! Closet by closet I am attacking them with a vengeance. Funny though...the one closet I haven't touched is his. I think I'm saving that for last. I came across my wedding bouquet and our cake topper today. My very first instinct was to take it directly out to the trashcan but I didn't. I feel no connection to those things anymore since he is gone. Am I crazy? The wedding stuff means nothing to me. What's wrong with me? The groom is gone that's what's wrong with me. Even though I am getting rid of so much stuff why do I feel like there is still too much stuff in this house. Feels like it is crushing me. It started in the kitchen cabinets. I cooked! I cooked for him whatever his huge heart desired. I aimed to please him. The weekend before he died we did a big shop because he was finally home from the hospital and he could eat my cooking again. Yeah I see how that worked out for me;/ Little by little the kitchen cabinets are bare except for the foods that I need for the daycare children. Maybe I want this house as empty as I feel? I can't explain it but it feels like I'm drowning in stuff;/
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Comment by honeys(puddin) on August 8, 2012 at 2:03pm
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I was wearing a few shorts that I bought him towards the end because he had lost so much weight. I've now put them in a pile to give to sons stepson who they probably fit. I had also kept some of his pajama pants but also just put them in the giveaway pile. I don't need to wear his clothes. I need to buy some decent stuff for me eventually. I did keep the one pair of flaming orange pajama pants just because. He always got a lot of comments in those. He loved them. Just because I clean things out does not mean I love him less-exactly. Sigh. I'm almost done with my closet then I'm going to rip that carpet out also. I feel like a person possessed;/
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Comment by Suz on August 8, 2012 at 1:15pm -
I am staring at two Hawaiian shirts that I saved. Never thought of wearing them myself but...they will loosely fit me. Well, maybe a little less loosely that I would hope...but great "in the house" clothes.
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Comment by Susan J on August 8, 2012 at 12:45pm -
I've completed the closet task. I kept a few of the "finds." Our wedding vows are tucked in the file cabinet with my passport, his favorite Hawaiian shirt is going to stay because I can put it on and wear it around the house. Just because I cleaned things out does not mean I love him less, it means I love myself again.
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My husband was a general contractor also. We now have a large building/shed in the back yard filled with his tools. Everything goes to our oldest son as he worked w/ his Dad for many years and now is in the same line of work. I'm not even going to concern myself with those things. That's up to son to deal with or keep stored there. Today I pulled the rest of our bedroom carpet out. Done. I will buy 2 rugs to cover the areas I need to cover so the dogs have places to lay when we're in there. Next is my closet then the mancave closet. Then the mancave carpet is going then the livingroom carpet is going. It is stress relief for sure. Today son came over because he needed a dress shirt (his closet is the mancave closet) and I gave him 2 of Honeys dress shirts and said "no backs!". Called daughter and asked her if she wanted the full length mirror out of our room-yes. I think that little by little I am filling up my childrens homes w/ my stuff;)
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 8, 2012 at 9:03am -
I am in the cleaning out stage as well, doing it slowly, a bag or box at a time. It is just stuff, I haven't even begun to touch the attic, so so so much up there. I also am purging food. I had expired boxes of cereal that only he ate, why was I keeping those? Finally took his lunchbox off the top of the refrigerator too. Baby steps.
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Comment by Jackie (lvgma) on August 8, 2012 at 2:14am -
I too have been cleaning out things, but some things I still can't get rid of. Why??? It's been 22 mths now, I know he's not coming back to get his coats- but they are still handing in the closet. He was a General Contractor, so much stuff there. I have sold all the big stuff- but I still have so many duplicates of hand tools. I have given some away- but still more than I will ever need..in fact I need none..I don't do repairs. Now they are stored in the shed- I probably should just call one of those places that buys all for one price and hauls away. Step by step.
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I have a few special things of his in my closet. Both boys took a few things. The rest is waiting for me to deal with. Stuff...who needs it;/
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Comment by Lynne on August 7, 2012 at 7:14pm -
Ditto to what Jody and Suz said and I completely agree - for the most part, it's just "stuff" - and I am going through the same thing. Great post and thanks for sharing. All the best, Lynne
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Comment by Suz on August 7, 2012 at 6:52pm
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Honeyspuddin,
So helpful to read this. I am doing the same thing. I can't get rid of enough stuff. We had thirty-seven years and are kind of hoarders anyway. Just breaks my heart to go through it all but I can't stop myself either. I carefully saved what I like best of his clothes and years of clothes were donated. Books, toys, baby clothes, all kinds of things, leaving the house. I wonder why we feel such a need to do this. I love what Jody said, what is important is with us.
Thanks you so much for sharing this...
Hugs
Suz
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Oh my goodness that's exactly it. Thanks for the kind words:)
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