A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Hello All ! San Diego attendees I know you had a fab time !!
Went to Church early, then food shopping. Put the food away then changed clothes went to the gym
for a workout. Had not been in several days good way to de stress and help keep my sugars under control.
Kids at the shore until Tuesday so I thought well ,return home have a nice bubble bath this new house I have my own bath ,decorated very feminine like the bedroom. Kids call it "the Queen's Suite.'Have a nice dinner later with some champagne. Why not ? I ran ran ran from Friday evening to Saturday midnight.
You know what they say about the best made plans ? In three hours I received several calls as I did most of the week from single ladies some widowed some divorced each begging to move in my home "for a month or two." To save money to move to Florida, to end a relationship, to get a break from their home after letting relatives move in, and so on.But you have such a big house was a common refrain.And why wont you help me ?
What part of NO is not understood ? I called two aunts and a best girlfriend of my mother's all widowed to discuss.
Each said they had the same requests and some friendships ended when the answer was no, one aunt was even called selfish! Another aunt said she never had those requests before losing her husband and has not had such a request after remarrying. Same aunt said one lady even waited at her house with a suitcase after being told several times NO when aunty returned one day from work.She did not believe no meant no .
I did ask above callers if any were in an abusive situation I had hotline phone numbers to give to get to a safe house all answered no.
Then I just got mad !! I'm heartbroken over losing Drew. I'm working full time with a long commute, every other night and twice on weekends drive over an hour each way to visit my mother and another aunt who live in memory care assisted living. Add Church, sororitory volunteer projects,groups and golf..Of course now again attending the Eagles games with my kids and brother in law. I have plenty on my plate I think.
I dont know how others feel but I do not want added stress with an extra person in my home or worry about what is happening in my home when I am not there or out of town. I also have my kids to consider. They would be stressed also. The three of us finally settling into a "new normal." When I go away ex. Camp Widow East I go for learning and fun and relaxation not to worry about the goings on at home.
Am finally calming down. And I WILL have more than one glass of champagne !
take care, Drewlady
Comment
Comment by Drewlady on August 14, 2012 at 8:11pm Good evening and thank you all for your support !!!
I am sticking to NO no one can move in and I have waved goodbye to the GUILT. I am NOT their Mama.
WILL drink champagne when I wish can not tackle bourbon yet.
WILL be at Camp Widow East again next April !!!! Take care, Drewlady
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on August 13, 2012 at 10:07pm Yay you, Pamela! You stand your ground on this. This is a time when it is perfectly ok to be what others might consider 'selfish' ... it isn't selfish at all, you know. It's a necessary survival technique we widdahs must use. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing anything that you don't want to do. Hope to see you again in Myrtle Beach in April.
Comment by Susan J on August 13, 2012 at 1:30am Drew, this phase of our lives is all about US. I don't want anyone in my space for a while. I don't want to hear anyone's problems. I don't really care about anyone but myself for the first time in my life. I don't have to take care of anyone and I don't have to be in a good mood if I don't want. I don't have to be nice. I've become a militant widow and protect myself from THEM at all times.
Enjoy your champagne. I think I'll have a shot of Bourbon.
Comment by Joyce on August 12, 2012 at 9:16pm Oh Drew, I'm sorry, you really don't need that extra stress. That's really not fair of people to ask you, that's really imposing too much. My stepson moved in with me after 8 months and that's hard enough for me to get used to. He's family and he's lived with us several times over the years. Besides a month or two really doesn't exist (trust me...lol). Stick to your guns. Hugs!
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!
Join Widowed Village