Just before Christmas I had my last session with my CBT counselor and he said I have come a very long way but he thinks I will do fine. I just have to remember that if I start isolating myself, I am to get myself out. I am not allowed to avoid, if I do, find a way to face the issue. Just about every obstacle I was facing I was able to overcome and I feel pretty good about it.
Music was the one obstacle that seemed to be the block that may only take time to over come. My last session Tom even tried playing just 5 seconds of a Journey song and the tears just rolled like rivers, the emotional tie to music is so strong that even Tom said I may or may not ever overco0me it.
It is ok, as in time I hope it will happen I just need to have more time.
A few days ago I got up for work and was starting to write something and out of habit I started with the date and no sooner did I have the date written down I broke down into tears, It was my Steve's birthday, so off and on for the rest of the day I would have my moments, but I still went to work, I still went and watched Ty shoot pool and I got through the day. I talked to my daughter via text message and had another moment as we are planning her wedding, date still has to be set. We discussed who she was going to have walk her down the aisle and give her away. "She said, I wanted Steve to but Mama, you are going to have to do it for him" and she wanted me to pick a song for the daddy daughter dance, and here again she wants me to dance with her, I already knew the song because he had already talked about it years ago, "I Saw Her First". Today we were talking and I told her I would like to bring his cane and we carry it together down the aisle so a part of him will be there at the wedding and she loved it.
Also update on the remodeling guy, Ty, he told me a while back he wanted to rent my upstairs part of my house but the reason he decided not to was because he wanted to date me. Well, we ended up dating and have been seeing each other ever since. We take things one day at a time and go slow and easy, he knows I am a widow and is very understanding. He told me he just wants to make me smile and laugh for the rest of my life, so we shall see where the next chapter goes.