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Today makes 2 months and 5 days since my husband left this world behind.   I have a lot of trouble when it comes to putting things in my name.  I feel like I am erasing every bit of our lives together.   I had to change the lease the utilities even the maintenance on our car was under his name.   Our online bank accounts were in his name we used the same one for both of us that had to switch too.  Does anyone else struggle with this?   I just feel like he is being deleted from a life that we shared and it hurts.  I guess it hit me again today when I scheduled my car for maintenance.   It is no longer Him and me it is just me.  Just me trying to preserve some  bit of the life we shared together.  I can't even set up our web site if it goes down Tony always did our home page.   To the outside world it is just me, no one  would not know it was ever us unless they came into my house.   I just feel sad about that and not sure why it is so hard taking his name off things.   Thanks for listening and sharing if you can 

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Comment by navigating life on Saturday

I had to and sorry for everyone's loss.  I think we are all champions we are the ones left behind.  I was forced to take his name off I guess it was good in a way but it did hurt.  I have had several weeks of bad days well just making it through days. 

Comment by mamapitbull on Saturday

I think you're doing great.  It's been 6 months for me and I haven't done any of that yet.  Just not ready to.  I don't think I'll do it till I have to.

Comment by Mary on Saturday

Another step forward. I'm commenting again because I have taken yet another necessary action. I finally closed out an account that we had for 20 years. I could still use it but it was "his". I could have easily opened another account in my name but instead chose to move on from that business. I'm looking at it, not as erasing my husband but as moving forward as his widow. There is no way he will ever be "erased" as long as I am alive. He had such a presence and effect on folks. I'm telling myself these business transactions are just technical details than need to be taken care of for myself to move forward. Also I say move forward, not move on. Big difference to me.

I also had to chuckle because I just got a notice about a change in local water and trash and its addressed to my dad. He died 20 years ago, my mom never took his name off the account and neither did I when I took over the bills after my mother passed. (I'm now in the house part time). It was kind of nice to see my dad's name, think of him and know that our people are remembered!

Comment by on Saturday

I'm in the same boat.  My husband passed away in August, and had to start taking his name off things like yhe checking account and such.  I still have not removed him from things like lights, water, etc.  If it doesnt have to change I haven't yet. Because it is too hard.  And yes if does feel like erasure.  I even find myself not canceling his phone just so I can call his voice mail. 

Its only been 2 months give yourself a break.      

Comment by jpann39 on September 3, 2020 at 5:26pm

navigating life,

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband,

Yes, I feel the same :(

Actually I have cried at every step of this nightmare. I lost my husband unexpectedly May 15th and I feel like my world has been spinning out of control since the moment I had to leave his side.

I cried at the bank when I closed his accounts. The worst was the title to his truck. He had brought it brand new in 1996 and the title has always been in his name only. I wish I had thought to take a copy of the title before I went to the office to change it. I had thought they would let me keep it so I could put it away but they wouldnt let me :(

As you said, it feels like I am erasing him and our life together.

I have pictures all over our home and those will never come down. He was and is the love of my life. Life without him is going to be challenging each and every day.

Comment by navigating life on August 27, 2020 at 6:44pm

Thank you Forever Changed sorry for your loss too.   The house is not the same I understand you too I wear my husbands shirts sometimes and my Mother in Law made a pillow for me will show pictures when I get it in Sept.   

Comment by navigating life on August 27, 2020 at 6:42pm

I am glad to know I am not alone.  His name is still on our vehicles.   My father in law will be down soon and it will be strange to do everything without my husband.   I am thankful to have so much support from his side.   I'm sorry for your loss Estragon I know it hurts so bad 

Comment by Estragon on August 27, 2020 at 6:18pm

My wife died in January.  I've changed the stuff I really had to, but still can't quite get around to changing the stuff that doesn't really need to be just me.  I'll get there, but unless there's a compelling, legal, gotta-do-it, reason to do it, IMHO, just do it when you're damned well ready to.  It IS hard.

Comment by Forever Changed on August 27, 2020 at 10:55am

Hi I can relate. 

First, I am sorry for your loss and want to mention he will never be erased as long as you keep his memory alive in your heart and thoughts.  

I have been without the love of my life (Dom) for a little over 4 months but it seems like yesterday. I still have some things in his name.I felt exactly the same, that if I did that, I was erasing him. I have also been unable to throw away any mail that has come with his name on it. Eventually I had to change the most essential accounts over. It made me feel terrible and I cried but I knew I had to do it so I did them slowly, just one at a time over a period of several weeks while I kept telling myself that I was NOT erasing him and that he would want me to continue on. To help cope, I surround myself with his stuff and wear his shirts in the house and when I go to sleep. It helps me to feel closer. 

You mentioned that you still write him in messenger. I have Dom's phone, along with my own cell phone and I still send him text messages of love and he is in my contacts as a favorite and I know I will never remove him, nor let his phone number and cell phone go. 

Wishing you all peace in your journey towards healing. 

Comment by navigating life on August 27, 2020 at 4:09am

I'm sorry Mary it must have been hard.  I don't know if I will ever take his down  Mine says married to Anthony Johnston and if I delete it I don't know it just seems bad.   I loved him so much and I miss us .   I write him in messenger still.  I'm glad you were able to do it and be okay.... That is a big step I'm not ready to take yet.   Someday maybe 

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