A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I have always tried to pride myself on my ability to adapt and adjust to any situation that has been presented to me. I think it is what makes me a good high school teacher and coach, every situation and child we deal with are a little different and it is not a one size fits all, cookie cutter world we work or live in. My wife and I wanted to have kids so we adopt, not one but five at once. Cancer invades our life, no problem. Take time off from work, deal with the kids, learn how to deal with cancer, chemo and all its fun side effects, no problem. Deal with her impending death, hospice and all of the emotional needs of everybody else, no problem. Nothing the man with the red cape and the big S on the chest can’t handle.
As I moved forward into the fifth month without the single most important person in my life and then it hits. Oh don’t get me wrong, I have been dealing with grief and loneliness each and every day since she died but it is expected and normal and besides everybody tells me I am doing a great job and they don’t know how I am doing it. Well I am doing great until I realize it was a year ago we first realized there was a problem with her health, that it is spring break and the kids are driving me crazy, the whole 24/7/365 single parenting thing is hitting hard and I start to worry about summer vacation (how the hell I am going to do two and a half months), that Easter will come and go with her and our anniversary is in a few days. I keep it all together until somebody asks me if the kids are eating. Really? It has been four plus months, don’t you think I have found a meal for them at sometime during all of this. I almost blow a major blood vessel in my brain keeping it all in. Are the kids eating? Not how are you doing, but the kids eating habits are the best you can come up with. Yes they are eating (trust me, you should see the food bill each month) but all I want to do is go into the woods and let out the most primal scream in the history of the world and then curl up and cry myself to sleep. I am so thankful for my very good friends Wendi and Dean who have been there through the entire mess and they allowed me to sit on their couch, sit with and cry with me and talk me down from my ledge. Thank god for great friends.
So as I left their house and walked back to my home I realized Superman found his cape, dusted it off and placed it back on his shoulders, he straighten out the big S on his chest and jumped back into the mess of his life. What I found out is it is okay for Superman to have a bad day because in the end he is Superman damnit and nothing can stop Superman!