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Even Superman has a bad day now and then!
I have always tried to pride myself on my ability to adapt and adjust to any situation that has been presented to me. I think it is what makes me a good high school teacher and coach, every situation and child we deal with are a little different and it is not a one size fits all, cookie cutter world we work or live in. My wife and I wanted to have kids so we adopt, not one but five at once. Cancer invades our life, no problem. Take time off from work, deal with the kids, learn how to deal with cancer, chemo and all its fun side effects, no problem. Deal with her impending death, hospice and all of the emotional needs of everybody else, no problem. Nothing the man with the red cape and the big S on the chest can’t handle.
As I moved forward into the fifth month without the single most important person in my life and then it hits. Oh don’t get me wrong, I have been dealing with grief and loneliness each and every day since she died but it is expected and normal and besides everybody tells me I am doing a great job and they don’t know how I am doing it. Well I am doing great until I realize it was a year ago we first realized there was a problem with her health, that it is spring break and the kids are driving me crazy, the whole 24/7/365 single parenting thing is hitting hard and I start to worry about summer vacation (how the hell I am going to do two and a half months), that Easter will come and go with her and our anniversary is in a few days. I keep it all together until somebody asks me if the kids are eating. Really? It has been four plus months, don’t you think I have found a meal for them at sometime during all of this. I almost blow a major blood vessel in my brain keeping it all in. Are the kids eating? Not how are you doing, but the kids eating habits are the best you can come up with. Yes they are eating (trust me, you should see the food bill each month) but all I want to do is go into the woods and let out the most primal scream in the history of the world and then curl up and cry myself to sleep. I am so thankful for my very good friends Wendi and Dean who have been there through the entire mess and they allowed me to sit on their couch, sit with and cry with me and talk me down from my ledge. Thank god for great friends.
So as I left their house and walked back to my home I realized Superman found his cape, dusted it off and placed it back on his shoulders, he straighten out the big S on his chest and jumped back into the mess of his life. What I found out is it is okay for Superman to have a bad day because in the end he is Superman damnit and nothing can stop Superman!
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Comment by cec on September 25, 2012 at 9:10pm -
Awe guess super women can have bad days too...
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Comment by Cristina on July 11, 2012 at 5:55pm -
Hey, Superman, I think sneaking off to have that scream is not a bad idea....if you ever can get away....I've been stunned at the sounds that have come out of me. But, yeah, my kid is older and he was away those times...so this may not be possible for you, but, dang, those screams and rages actually did me some good. Just noting. Wishing you the best.
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Comment by Kerryn on April 17, 2012 at 3:41pm -
Brian - you are superman! So much about your blog echoes my life to a "T", even teaching and coaching. Dave battled for 13 years. People often said throughout the course that I handled things so well - well, what else does a person do? When cancer comes to call they deal with it, they keep moving - the world unfortunately doesn't stop. Most days I smile at them, but my brain is saying - you better run 'cause I'm about to lose it". If they knew what went on in my head, they'd probably send me to the mental ward. When I crash at night, somewhere around midnight after correcting papers, I finally can let go - 16 mo into it I feel like I'm doing worse rather than better.
The 24/7/365 is SO hard. My sister said we needed to have a girls weekend - I laughed at her, told her to call me in 6 yrs when the boys were both in college, until then, it seems I don't have a life. Summer - I'm scared too - what do I do with these guys while they aren't in school, EVERY day?
Meals- what meals? I used to make supper - a good one every day, well almost every day, sometimes Dave helped. The other day I grilled, the boys said, "Thanks for making a meal mom!" I know they were joking, but yet.....I constantly wonder, what am I not doing for them that they need, but being boys and teens, aren't going to tell me?
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Comment by bad ass widow on April 16, 2012 at 11:37pm -
Oh boy, everyone is entitled to some bad days. Even Superman. As far as 5 kids Wow, you have a handful there. Is there any Park District camps available in the summer time? Just so you can get a break once in awhile. As far as comments go, you gotta let them roll off your back. I dont know why people think that a man cant handle children. I mean it is 2012. ((((((Hugs)))))
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Comment by Marsha on April 16, 2012 at 11:27pm -
Yes Brian even Superman has a bad day! Be gentle with yourself. This is a hard road to travel and even though we are told we are doing a great job and we are fine it's just a show. Inside we are not fine. Take it a day and a step at a time. You have wonderful friends in Wendi and Dean. Let them help you on this journey. Also come to WV and vent. Even Superman needs all the help he can get with his journey of grief.
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