Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Everything Possible: video and thoughts on marriage and death


In our state, we will be voting a referendum on whether same sex couples will have the right to marry. My church's denomination has been a big advocate for marriage equality, and yesterday we sang this song in hopes of the referendum's success tomorrow.

What struck me this time, again, was how intrinsically linked are the right to marry and the legacy we leave after we die. As the song goes:

... The only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done

(The rest of the lyrics and the credit are at the bottom of this post)

After all, Gavin and I married in the shadow of death, nine years before he died. After complications from a heart valve replacement, he had several dangerous cardiac incidents and we thought he might die... it was in that light that I felt it was important to bind my life to his in that public and peculiar way we call marriage. (I had never, I don't think, figured I'd marry.) But leaving a record was important.

Eight years later as we endured multiple hospitalizations fighting kidney cancer, I found another reason the marriage certificate matters -- without it, I would not be allowed to visit ICUs. I saw five ICUs in those 22 months and he could easily have died in one (we moved to hospice at the last minute -- four days).

How much more unbearable would that time have been -- and afterward -- if we'd not had the right to marry?

So I learned first, that marriage does matter, and second, marriage is an essential right.  I hope if you live in a state where similar initiatives are up, that you'll consider supporting marriage equality. You know how I like to say that "we widows 'get it!' "


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two more videos that also tell this tale, if you are not convinced:

1. A young man loses his partner AND SO MUCH MORE because his rights aren't protected by law:





2. Republican Maureen Walsh, a widow, testifies why marriage matters:



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Here are the rest of the lyrics with credit:

Everything Possible
Words and Music by Fred Small Copyright
1983 Pine Barrens Music (BMI)

We have cleared off the table, the leftovers saved
Washed the dishes and put them away
I have told you a story and tucked you in tight
At the end of your knockabout day
As the moon sets its sails to carry you to sleep
Over the midnight sea
I will sing you a song no one sang to me
May it keep you good company

You can be anybody you want to be
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country where your heart leads
And know I will love you still

You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around
You can choose one special one
And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done

There are girls who grow up strong and bold
There are boys quiet and kind
Some race on ahead, some follow behind
Some go in their own way and time
Some women love women, some men love men
Some raise children, some never do
You can dream all the day never reaching the end
Of everything possible for you

Don't be rattled by names, by taunts, by games
But seek out spirits true
If you give your friends the best part of yourself
They will give the same back to you

You can be anybody you want to be
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country where your heart leads
And know I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around
You can choose one special one
And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.

Views: 56

Comment

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on November 7, 2012 at 3:32am
Thank you, friends. P.S. We won!!
Comment by Suz on November 6, 2012 at 7:07am

Thank you, Robin. That was such a wonderful post. I think I saw the first one on here one time...is that possible? as for Maureen Walsh...wow. I was blown away. How powerful. Love her interpretation of "domestic partnership." As for the last song, I remember hearing it the first time, sung by Fred Small and sobbing. I knew what it was like to not be able to "be anybody that you want to be" and it rocked me to the core. Your choir version is dynamite. I will play it again and again. 

We also have a referendum and I attended a healing service at my church last Sunday night. The One Voice Mixed Choir sang, a wonderful group that is composed of GLBT, siblings, friends, anyone straight or gay. I again sobbed. We sang "We Shall Not Be Moved" and an old song from the seventies (I think) "We Are A Gentle Angry People." I only wish Everything Possible was part of it. The choir walked out with huge smiles on their faces and tears running down their cheeks. I was so blessed to be there.

My vote will be "no" which means "yes" and I am still so befuddled that I cannot explain. 

Many of us do know what it is like to have that enormous bond called "marriage." I know this is such a loaded topic, but I do wish that for all.

Comment by Blue Snow on November 6, 2012 at 5:50am

I don't think my conservative state will ever put it up for a vote but I sure wish your state has success today! I have a gay relative and had several gay friends over the years and they deserve the same kind of marriage commitment/protection as everyone else.

Comment by Cristina on November 5, 2012 at 6:29pm

Awesome post.  Awesome song.  Thank you for standing up for the rights of others.  I agree with you 100%.

© 2019   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service