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Waking up everyday and having to face life without my love is becoming more difficult everyday. How do people do this? All I wanna do is talk to him, hold him, kiss him. People just don't seem to understand I just lost my other half. Even though we had problems neer the end the good times were so good. I know I need to go through this and feel all these emotions, but I wish I could just turn them off.

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Comment by BiscuitJane on February 9, 2016 at 8:26am

You sound alot like me...I lost my husband to suicide on November 25.  His addictions were alcohol and painkillers, and it was just about to come out that he was using again.  He just couldn't handle disappointing people.  And he didn't realize that he would still be loved and that any one of us would have dropped everything to help him.  And it is a different kind of grief.  I have many widow friends who lost their husbands to cancer, but it's not the same.  We have so much anger, and it's so hard to try and remember the good when it's this fresh.

Don't be too hard on yourself.  Just get up in the morning, and get through each minute, each hour.  I am just wrapping up all the stupid things you have to deal with after someone dies, and now it's time to just live.  And that's the hard part. You just need to hold on and get through.  And it does ebb and flow - but just take it one step at a time and you'll be OK.  My favorite quote these days is "You never know how strong you are until you have no other choice".  Believe it!

Call people, reach out.  People do care - I find that they just don't know what to do for you.  And most of the time what they can do is just BE there.  

Comment by SweetMelissa on February 9, 2016 at 6:14am

My deepest heartfelt condolences ...

I'm assuming you're referring to stupid ignorant people, right? I'm sorry to say they're everywhere. I was prone to envisioning causing some sort of pain to shut their pie hole from bitch slapping to smoothing duct tape over the mouth for a tight seal ripping it off quickly, then asking how it felt to binding feet & hands in order to feel helpless.

For me, the best way I found to make peace w/my issues was to learn the facts about each one as well as remind myself of the teachings especially leading up to or during a crisis as best I could.

In my previous comment, I mentioned not getting along is understandable under any circumstances -marriage is not always easy. In your circumstances, there was an all consuming issue that took over his life, your life & marriage. Addiction is a brain disease that also affects the spouse similar to any long term illness. Neither of you knew what to do together or individually, so please know this in your heart & mind to tackle feelings of guilt. 

You might want to look into Nar-Anon, its a nationwide support group for spouses & families of addicts. The probability of finding others who you can relate to as well as feel more at ease with is much higher than Grief Share. Just keep it in mind when you feel up to attending. You might also consider calling their office to ask if people are available to talk with over the phone or to meet with.

(((Hugs LaL)))

REVELRY" by Kings of Leon ...

What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine

With a fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene

I get lost in the night so high I don't want to come down
To face the loss of the good thing that I've found
In the dark of the night I could hear you calling my name
With the hardest of hearts I still feel full of pain
So I drink and I smoke and I ask you if you're ever around
Even though it was me who drove us right in the ground

See the time we shared it was precious to me
But all the while I was dreaming of revelry
Born to run, baby run like a stream down a mountainside
With the wind in my back I don't ever even bat an eye
Just know it was you all along who had a hold of my heart
"But the demon and me were the best of friends from the start" ...

"So the time we shared it was precious to me" ...

All the while I was dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
And I told myself boy away you go, it rained so hard it felt like snow
Everything came tumbling down on me
In the back of the woods in the dark of the night
Paleness of the old moonlight everything just felt so incomplete
Dreaming of revelry

Comment by kelseyablang on February 9, 2016 at 5:30am

My husband died right before Christmas and it gets harder and harder everyday. I went and saw a medium and was able to hear from him. I know that he loves me, he's watching over me and the kids and that he's with his brother and my grandparents. That made it a little easier. Little signs that I know he's with me, has made it a little easier. It will never be 100% but little by little, I know that he is looking over me and pushing me to where I need to be. I would very much suggest seeing a medium if you could. It really is an amazing experience. 

Comment by Callie2 on February 8, 2016 at 11:51am
Those feelings will probably never go away completely but in time, we learn to cope. Right now, it may all you can think about. I remember waking up each day for many months and my very first thought was of him. Actually, I did that even before I became "coherent". He is really gone....not a great way to start the day, I know. It's crazy. You have to get your brain to accept what the mind already knows.

Each day is a day towards healing, try to remember that. In time, a lot of these thoughts become shifted to the side and we learn how to move forward. Acceptance is something probably not on your radar right now but it does happen with time. We never forget but there will be a time when life will get better. Be patient and be good to yourself. Wishing you peace.
Comment by Lonely and lost on February 8, 2016 at 11:42am
Thank you. I am looking into groups. I think that alot of people think that because he took his own life I should not greve as much because he chose to leave me. But I don't think he did choose. I think Meth chose for him. People who haven't lived with an addict don't understand what it means to love one and think you should walk away. He was a good man with a horrible demon inside him and sadly the demon won.
Comment by SweetMelissa on February 8, 2016 at 9:41am

Like most, I did it in baby steps. Others quantum leap into the unknown ...

People talk about death & healing in platitudes because they have yet to experience it. Always look at the source. Has their spouse died? The answer is probably "no". Many equate divorce & death. Not only are these people exasperating, they're inexperienced. Back in the day, I had many evil thoughts about doing things to them like smoothing down duct tape for a good seal over ones mouth quickly ripping it off, then asking "how did that feel?" 

Strangers were far more sympathetic than family & friends! And they wondered why I didn't answer the phone or the door. If I told the truth, then they'd be combative in defending themself instead of simply apologizing. Arrrrgh!

Seriously, not getting along near the end is unstandable as well as vice versa. No one has the right to say a word about it. Both you & your husband were under extreme duress. OMG, he was losing his life same as you -neither of you could stop it from happening.

You might want to try a grief group when you're feeling up to it ...


Comment by Lonely and lost on February 6, 2016 at 1:33pm
It has been just under a month for me and yeah. Everything reminds me of him. I'm really trying to just get by.
Comment by Ren on February 6, 2016 at 1:07pm

You are not alone, I feel pretty much the same.  Every morning I wake, it hits me again, he isn't beside me.  It's only been two months for me, so I have no idea how other people do it.  One step at a time, one minute at a time, that's how I get by.  This is not easy, that's for sure.

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