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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I'm brand new here and making my first post.  I lost my husband of 47 years two and a half months ago.  He became ill and two weeks later spent a week in the hospital, was diagnosed with a perforated colon, renal failure and dementia and was given the shocking news that he had 10 days to live.  I told the doctors not to let him know.  I arranged hospice care to come a couple of times a week, took him home and took care of him.  He was bedridden and unable to do anything for himself so he had to be cared for every couple of hours around the clock.  His amazingly strong will proved the doctors wrong; he lived for 46 days.  I'd known this man for 51 years.  We met when I was 18 and he was 31.  The age difference was never an issue.  We married in 1970, had a son in 1986, a daughter in 1991.  

How can it be that he's not here anymore?  He'd always been in charge, taking care of everything all of our married life.  The most intelligent, confident, practical and honest person I've ever known.  A philosopher who loved the truth and so proud of his education.  What am I to do without him?  I've been deluged with forms, phone calls and legalities for 11 weeks.  Hoping to see an end to that soon so I can get on with planning a new direction and a new life.  Our son is developmentally delayed and lives with me and probably always will so I have more than just myself to think about.

I feel fortunate to have found this site and hope to find friends who I can share stories with and learn from.  Thank you for taking me in and allowing me to be a part of this group.

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Comment by Callie2 on October 1, 2018 at 11:37am

Condolences to you and your family, Pegasus. So glad you found this site, I think you might find it helpful. It is a place where everyone understands what you’re going through—we all have that in common. It’s really hard, especially early on. We need to experience all this horrible pain in order for us to “heal”. Be patient with yourself as this can take time. However, one day you will find your peace. Life may never be quite the same but it can get good again. Always hang onto hope.

Comment by DIVA70 on September 29, 2018 at 10:17pm

First. let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband of 47 plus years 5 months ago. We first met in the 6th grade and reconnected over 50 years ago. He was my knight in shining armor. Like you I feel as if I was blindsided. Yes, he was on dialysis and had complained of being tired but not even his doctors saw what was coming. He passed out on April 26th and was admitted to the hospital for observation. April 29th he called me in the morning to say he was being released and for me to prepare to come bring him home. Less than two hours later he was gone. In a way having to deal with insurance companies, creditors and other necessary business allowed me to stay busy. As things settled down that's when the reality of my situation really hit me. I am not ashamed to say I have broken down almost daily. Thank God for family and friends. Still, this is a journey that I was not prepared for at all. I hope you have someone to whom you can vent or cry with . I am naturally an introvert but this site has helped me release some of my pent up emotions, Hopefully, it will bring you some solace. Godspeed!

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