A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I have lost a lot of people I love. Each one of their deaths affected me in a different way.
When my dad died, once the funeral was over it wasn't talked about. It was over and done with. Because of this it took me a very long time to deal with it. I do blame part of my screwed up teen years on it. Looking back now I feel like I wasn't allowed the grieving process.
I was very angry for a very long time. Not just at my dad for leaving, but at everyone around me. I felt like he no longer mattered because he wasn't there.
When Patrick died I refused to do that to my kids. I make sure they know that he is and always will be a part of our lives. That talking about him is a good thing. Its ok to miss him, its ok to be sad, its ok to cry, and its ok not to be strong.
One thing I've done with my kids is when they get sad I have them give me 3 reasons why they are sad and 5 good memories of Patrick.
The other day I was really upset and Jazzy did this with me. I was amazed at how much better I felt and I found myself laughing at some of the memories.
Its only been 6 months since Patrick died. I've been told by people, even other widows, that I shouldn't be over my grief. That I need to believe that it was his time and find peace in that.
I can't and won't. We all have our own beliefs, our own way of grieving. What works for one, might not work for another.
This is my grief. This is my journey. I'm doing what works best for me and for my kids. Focusing in my grief, learning from it, and sharing it with my kids helps us. This isn't something I can or will sweep under the rug.
Its my grief, and I'm so sick of people telling me how I'm supposed to feel, act, or what I'm supposed to believe.
Maybe I'll change my mind in 6 months, or a year. I don't know.