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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Friends and Family move on, me still here alone

  When Janis got sick, I was scared but ready to battle the melignancy ( Jan did not wanted to call it cancer ) with her and win. The time at the hospital was busy with friends and family with us all the time, then we came back from the hospital and Janis didn't wanted people in her sancturary (home) but friends and family continue coming, then my baby went to heaven. .. The night that my baby died, her sister and aunt stay with me, the next day after the funeral arrangments were done, everybody left I was alone for the first time in 13 and 1/2 years. My family came, then left the phone calls stop, the visits stop. the people checking on me gone. Everybody has move on, me still hurting, more now that before the thoughts of leaving this hell are still here, the emptiness, the sorrow, and the anger still here. The people that said we will be there for you gone. My life is gone I do not have anything to live for, the only thing keeping me alive right now are my dogs and the cat, they don't have anybody to take care of them just me. I want to be with my baby... at least we were there for eachother, we were a family, now, I am nobody.

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Comment by lovie on February 26, 2013 at 6:18am

Hopedia, I am so sorry that you feel so abandoned. Society, in general, has no idea what a grieving widow/widower is going through during those first treacherous weeks and months. Perhaps joining in chat will help you to feel less lonely. Everybody is a friend in the chat room and certainly cannot replace the love we lost but each person in chat contributes a lot to help others understand their pain and feel less lonely.  Take care! (((Hugs)))

Comment by Samantha (was clare) on February 25, 2013 at 6:29pm

I had and am having the same experience with what I call the two week before and the two week after people...It has been 5 months since my husband passed and I feel pretty much abandoned because no one would listen when I WOULD TRY and tell them what I needed....they didnt listen to me and tried to fill in what they were comfortable with or say stupid things  even when I would say to them...that thing you just said makes me feel worse.....then they just gave up because I wasnt grieving like they thought I should...so I am in the slow painful process of trying to find  new people......

Comment by dazed on February 25, 2013 at 5:14pm

It's so stupid!  Death is as much a part of life as birth is.  Why doesn't society know how to handle it and be there to support the ones that are grieving. I will never understand. It is the loneliest journey I've ever been on.  I only had 2 people reach out to me after my husband passed away.  Even family backed away.  They didn't want to hear about it.  No wonder it has taken me so much time to heal!  This site has helped me more than anything else in my journey.  I am finally doing better but it has taken a lot longer than I ever thought it would.

Comment by Angel1 on February 25, 2013 at 4:41pm

  I am sorry for your loss ,that is one thing that is sad every body wants to come around when a family member gets sick or something like a death accures,but the family members forget that the other spouse along with there partners have died along with there spouse.So we are all left to deal with the after math on are own,and that is the sad thing,so it is good thing that we have this site to come to.

Comment by Suz on February 25, 2013 at 3:48pm

Hopedia, 

I am so sorry. People just don't know what to do with us. I love reading what you have written, about the stars and the physicist and loved the song about "a new day" and the stories of walking your furry friends. You are certainly not a nobody. No siree!

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by Susan D (Profe D) on February 25, 2013 at 2:37pm

I am so sorry, Hopedia!  Just keep coming here with us!!!  This is a supportive place.  HUGS

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on February 25, 2013 at 1:16pm

(((Hopedia))) you are still you just not as a couple.  This is a most difficult journey but we all are here for you.  Do the best you can to make Janis proud of you and live you life for her.  I truly think that is what she would want you to do.  Wishing you peace and hope...

Hugs

Janet

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