When Janis got sick, I was scared but ready to battle the melignancy ( Jan did not wanted to call it cancer ) with her and win. The time at the hospital was busy with friends and family with us all the time, then we came back from the hospital and Janis didn't wanted people in her sancturary (home) but friends and family continue coming, then my baby went to heaven. .. The night that my baby died, her sister and aunt stay with me, the next day after the funeral arrangments were done, everybody left I was alone for the first time in 13 and 1/2 years. My family came, then left the phone calls stop, the visits stop. the people checking on me gone. Everybody has move on, me still hurting, more now that before the thoughts of leaving this hell are still here, the emptiness, the sorrow, and the anger still here. The people that said we will be there for you gone. My life is gone I do not have anything to live for, the only thing keeping me alive right now are my dogs and the cat, they don't have anybody to take care of them just me. I want to be with my baby... at least we were there for eachother, we were a family, now, I am nobody.