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Gearing up for a Cry Storm.
If you live on the coast, there are certain precaustions you have to take for hurricane season. Those of you who live on the west coast have to prepare somewhat for earthquakes. Here in the southeast we have to be ready for tornado season.
And those of us who have lost our beloved sometimes know ahead of time there will be days that will shake us to the core. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays whatever. Most of the time its seems to be just us crying with those around us rolling their eyes wanting to change the subject or avoiding us altogether.
But every now and then everybodys crying.
I'm afraid May 27th is going to be just such a day.
I met Amanda (had our first conversation) on May 30, 2007. Her niece Emma had just been born (May 27th) and she was telling mutual friends about it with me standing there. I laughed and told her my niece Payton had a birthday the next day. Those with us walked off while we talked about babies and family. That was the first night we ever spoke to each other. She was dating someone else then and I told my friends if that dude messes up and losses her, I'm going after her. There is something special about her.
And he did (mess up), and I did (went after her) and I was right (something very special).
She was always giving especially to her nieces and little cousins. Her every waking thought was what can I make or order for the girls, especially Emma. Emma was 9 months old when Amanda and I started dating, so in her little young life Aunt Mandie and Uncle Lady (she had a hard time saying Uncle Larry at first) have always been there for her birthday.
But not this year. I'm starting to get chocked up just writing this.
it will only be Samuel and Uncle Lady this time. No Aunt Mandie. And I don't think I'm going to be the only one crying about it. Emma will be five and she still occasionally says where's Aunt Mandie? Where's Aunt Mandie? Amanda always made such a big deal of Emmas birthday, and I just know there is going to be a huge emptiness this year.
Emmas birthday is not just Emmas birthday. It's a childs birthday buts its also a family reunion. Amandas parents are divorced (each remarried) and it's one of the few times they will come around each other. It's the first get together of the summer, ussually the first time we all get in the pool. And as I said, its the anniversary of us meeting. Truth be told, its the anniversary of me falling for her.
So, I'm preparing myself. I'm locking the cabinets so stuff doesnt shake out, boarding up the windows so the glass wont shatter and I'm find that hiding place on the inside for when the bad stuff drops down on top of us. Cause it's coming. Christmas was bad and I'm afraid this will be too.
I really miss her. I really do. Be thinking about us on Memorial Day weekend. For us is gonna be more of a Memorial day than it ever was before.
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Comment
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Comment by LarryT on June 6, 2012 at 1:22pm
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Well, we did ok. Only her mom and I had a spell. And only at the end of the day. But her dad didnt come. Her older niece was out of town. And her younger sister couldn't make it. But I saw Alison (older niece) this past weekend and she said she was very down about not being home that weekend but she was kind of glad she wasn't. And Melissa (younger sister) called me yesterday. She randomly heard one of the songs from Amandas funeral slideshow and got very down. She just had a little girl and Amanda was so excited about a new niece. It really hurts Melissa not to have Amanda here to share in the joy of that baby. So, everyone is dealing with it, one way or the other. All thats left is the 4th of july (which was special to us), our wedding anniversary, and then the anniversary of her death, and we'll be through all the firsts.
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Comment by carolynne on May 29, 2012 at 11:46pm -
Celestia calls them 'griefquakes'. I think it's perfectly fitting. I hope you all got through it okay and held each other up through it. (((hugs)))
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Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on May 19, 2012 at 12:50am
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Larry, when the really tough days are coming I think of a way to make my husband a part of it, by doing some thing for him also and it has helped me to make it through the hardest of times, Maybe you can do the same. ((((((Hugs)))))............ Lisa
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Comment by lovie on May 18, 2012 at 11:37pm -
Larry, this is going to be indeed tough. There are no words that can prevent that. But experience from those of us who have been there can let you know that all future birthdays and celebrations will no be tough forever. There may be sadness experienced that day because your beloved one is not there always, but there will be a renewed spirit to live and love life again for your son and your niece and for you, too. You may not feel that can ever be possible, but it will happen in time. Until then, rest, take one day at a time, and try to enjoy your time spent with family and friends in the way your precious wife would want you to. Take care and wishing you strength to get through this.
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Comment by Marsha on May 18, 2012 at 10:53pm -
(((((Uncle Lady))))) so many memories bring us to our knees now. Eventually these same memories will warm our hearts and bring smiles to us. Take it a minute at a time and remember Mandie will be with you holding you tight as you make your way through this day. Come to WV and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you and understand.
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Comment by Joyce on May 18, 2012 at 8:20pm -
Well Uncle Lady: We have a date in common on May 27,1990 I married the love of my life and this is our first anniversary apart and to top it off May 30th is my birthday, so trust me I so understand. So let's batten down the hatches because I'm going to crawl in a hole. Will be thinking of you. Hugs!
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Comment by Ace on May 18, 2012 at 4:38pm -
Love you uncle lady!!!!!!! June will be here and we will all get through the Memorial together here at widowed village where none of us are scary,weird,too sad,downers,third wheels - here we are not alone.Every day is not a stroll in the park either.....so days like these are just slightly different. At the end of the day everyone leaves and and since we found WV we can log on and let them know we made it through-our loves are still gone but we are still feeling and dealing. We are all getting by with some help from our friends:) This Sunday will be the fourth year that Duke has been gone. To his immediate family they were only effected and noticed the first year. This memorial day weekend will just be a holiday as usual for them as they go to the shore and do barbecues. My sons are old enough to understand more now...so I'm going to go through some of the sympathy cards that people sent me 4 years earlier - no one else was around to read them with me care to care what people wrote about how special their dad was. His parents and siblings said that they could not read them because they were too painful. I read some this week and I found them comforting that his life made a difference to so many people. Huge difference from that first year of magical thinking and bartering in my head that perhaps it would be like groundhog day....if I did the best i could, made to the one year mark...I would feel a gazillion times better at One year and a day or by the only miracle I would ever need .....he would magically reappear and I would be told it was just a joke or mistake. Oh well it was just like a birthday.....hardly a difference just add on one more day lived and lived it to the best of ability based upon what has been dealt. It is what it is....everyone's goes on home to sleep soundly, talk about their day,past and futures,love each other and take each other for granted....and I log on to WV too see how the people in my world are making it through their days. At least I have a plan that works for now and that is enough.
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Comment by bad ass widow on May 18, 2012 at 3:10pm -
(((hugs))) to you. All these firsts suck. Just keep taking one breath at a a time. And Uncle Lady, cutest thing ever.
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