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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I'm beginning year 3 on my journey of grief.  As so many of you predicted it has actually gotten softer.  S O F T E R, that was a hard word to understand.  I get it now, or at least I'm beginning to.  I still love my darling Jerry more than anything however I'm also open to sharing my heart with another.  (If another catches my attention and proves he deserves it.)  Finally, when I'm asked how I'm doing I can say, "I'm doing okay." and mean it.

So many changes in the last 3 years.  First, let me talk about triggers.  Triggers have changed or perhaps I've somehow added to them.  Each time I see a new building going up or land being cleared it breaks my heart and leaves me hopeful at the same time.  Life does and is going on.  Sometimes it makes me sad that Jerry will never get to see that new development that he helped come to fruition.  Sometimes I'm sad because these ppl are moving on developing, destroying whatever the case may be these ppl are carrying on as if the world is the same place.  It's all proof life goes forward and I'm moving along with it.  Maybe not as quickly as one would like.   After 2 years I'm on the threshold of building another life for myself.   The way triggers affect me has changed as well.  No longer do I sob and do that snotty ugly cry.  More often than not I tear up one or two may escape but I reflect and say to myself, Nope Not Today.  Today I choose happy.  ok, so that's a lie.  I try to choose happy but mostly  I will count my blessings and not dwell in sadness.  Maybe that's as much as I can hope for at the moment but that's alright too.  I'm still a long way from where I've been.   

Over Christmas, I shocked myself by a big deep long-lasting belly laugh.  It felt so good.  I was even shocked at how much I have missed the feeling of a genuine laugh.  I want me some more of that feeling.  Something to work on this coming year perhaps.   Jerry was hilarious and kept me in stitches, I have missed laughing like a loon.  It was a nice Christmas surprise to find out Jerry didn't take my laugh with him after all.  

My son has moved back to the east coast from the northwest.  This has been so uplifting.  I've seen him 3 x already (he moved closer in November.)  My middle daughter wild child who has always given me grief is not on drugs or in jail (like I thought she would be) she is still running with the pack but she isn't causing me any undue stress.  My baby girl has settled into a good place.  She misses her dad, she misses her stepdad but in spite of her losses at such a young age she's pulled herself together and is a lovely young woman with a good head on her shoulders.   I'd say I've been really lucky but I don't actually believe in luck.  There are bumps and hurdles that I haven't mentioned but I've learned to take it in stride.   It's all part of life anyway.  

I am beginning a new career this month.  Charging into my 3rd year is scary, exciting and somewhat bittersweet.  I've excepted a job that I wouldn't have been able to except if the kids were young or if Jerry were alive.  I've been fighting change for such a long time.  You all know how it is but  I have a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that this 2020, my 3rd year as a widow will be the year I get my shit together and go on.  It has been a hard hill to climb but by God's grace and my grit, I'm here on top of it, mindful of my past, hopeful of a positive future and managing to LIVE in the present.  

I met my goal last year.  I've accepted the grief I'll carry with me always. I'm learning more and more every day how to go on living with it.  I'm a survivor, I'm a widow, I'm a mother, I'm a friend, I am a champion of life.  Thank you to all of you who have helped me get where I am.  May 2020 be good for us all.  I pray that each and every one of us here at WV will have our loads lighted and our spirits renewed afresh each time we need it. 

My Positive Affirmation for the year: Stay Calm, It's okay not to have everything figured out.  Know that in time, you'll get there. 

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Comment by SewCraftiMT on January 20, 2020 at 1:53pm

Rainy, Thanks for the uplifting story of making it to a better place in time. Stay Blessed

Comment by barbee on January 3, 2020 at 5:07am

Misty, you might not be aware of just how far you have come and how much you have changed in these three years. Your writings and sharing with WV tell the story -- of courage, of overcoming, of grace. You should be very, very proud of your hard work and accomplishments! The best to you and your family.

Comment by pricytapestry on January 2, 2020 at 7:48pm

Hey Misty, Congrats! On the new career and everything else. It is great to read all the positive in your post. So happy for you. 

Comment by Don on January 2, 2020 at 11:29am

I'm proud of you

Comment by Lost Girl on January 2, 2020 at 7:52am

Rainy, I want to begin by saying you are such an inspiration. I sit here reading your words hoping that someday my grief will become softer. It’s been almost 16 weeks for me. I still have that daily snotty cry and feel so lost. I have constant triggers that lead me sobbing and yearning for his touch, voice, laugh,....anything to bring him back to me.

Most importantly though!

I want you to know that I am incredibly happy for you and your 3 children. It certainly sounds like you have had many hurdles, ups and downs and after 2 years going into your 3rd you are a survivor. I am so proud of you. I really am. I am so excited for your new career and what 2020 has for you. You inspire me and give me hope. I want to thank you for sharing your story. Please continue sharing as it warms my heart and brings me tears. You are a champion. 

Comment by Roxi on January 2, 2020 at 6:58am

Thanks rainy...we all survive the worst thing can happened and know that we will  be able to laugh again someday it is a great news hugs ciao Roxi

Comment by chef (John) on January 2, 2020 at 4:02am

8.5 years here.

Keep on going, Misty. You seem to be headed in the right direction. :-)

All the best,


Comment by laurajay on January 1, 2020 at 11:38pm

I  was  recently  re  reading a  little  book  I've  had  for  several  years  and it  reminded  me  that  we  will  not  ever  in  our  lives  on  earth  have   all  the  answers  but it can  be  sufficient  for us  to  "  know  the  One  who  does  have all  the  answers (and  knows)."  so  I  allow  my  faith  the  liberty  of accepting  we  see  through a  glass  darkly  but  one  day  it ( answers)  will  be  revealed  to  us.

Good  to  hear  of  your  progress  and  that  of  your  children.  Curious  about  your  new  career and  wishing  you  success in  the new year. You  are  wise  to  be of  good  cheer  as  often as  you can~        lj

Comment by Kevin on January 1, 2020 at 7:07pm

it's been 9 years since i lost Lee and i still have a hard time,today would have been 31 years married ,been together since 1983 and will always be part of my're doing alot better than i was at that milestone,i wrote a lot of poems to her,that seemed to help sometimes,but honestly it all seems like a blurr in my memory [the last 9 years] but i'm hanging in,wishing you the best......Kevin

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